TRUE ???? # 29

There was some discussion the other day on the correct spelling of a Mexican dish made with tortillas, eggs, sausage, cheese, onions, and jalapenos.(wusses can have the jalapenos left off, if need be) Curtis said it should be spelled QUESIDILLAS. I said QUESEDILLAS. Curtis won the argument and it was offered on the chalk board as QUESIDILLAS. Later, at home, I told Linda that I wasn't absolutely sure that it shouldn't have been spelled with an A, and not an E or an I. She looked it up, and as we should have expected, Curtis and I were both wrong. Henceforth, it will be spelled correctly, QUESADILLAS (with an a and 2 ll's)

You know the old saying: What can go wrong, will go wrong. Well, Murphy was doing his thing last weekend, when the cafe was full to overflowing with customers, and the credit card machine was planning to take the day off, until customer Michael F. decided  that wasn't going to happen, so while Heather was busy with other things, Michael made the machine behave and start acting like it should, so the machine started  taking money from customers for Carol to spend, and issuing those little paper slips that tells a customer how much money he spent on what, and when.

Jim E. started building a new house out of golf balls. When I first heard of this, I was thinking along the lines of of a 12inch by 12inch sparrow house, or goldfinch or something, but I got a glimpse of the plans the other day when he was showing them to Chester and Curtis. Chester was saying he thought there was going to be a problem plumbing a 3700 square foot house with 3/8 inch PVC. Jim countered by saying he was building the house out of golf balls so he could vacation at Machu-Pichu next year. He puts his boat in the lakes on various golf courses (at night, of course) and drags a minnow seine around catching lost golf balls. I knew another guy who did that, but he just cleaned up the balls and sold them back to the people who knocked them into the lake to begin with. Seems a few months ago Jim got a really good deal on some military surplus super glue. He got nine 55 gallon barrels full of super glue for $2.98, plus $718.98 for S&H. It was tax free, being surplus and all. He figures to build the whole shebang for under $1000.00, if he stays with 3/8inch PVC plumbing and puts Pat in charge of keeping the walls plumb as they go up. He plans to build it in sections, putting golf balls on a 4 ft.x 8 ft sheet on plywood, then standing it up. When I suggested he just use the plywood and leave off the golf balls, he said that would be cost prohibitive, as he's only going to use the one sheet of plywood. Pat will put the super glue on a ball, then stick another one to it. Put it on the wood and then stick another ball to it, and so on. When the sheet is full of golf balls, she then only has to stand it up. and make sure the glue is dry before letting the plywood drop, then start the next one. I can see where wind could be a factor.

Gemini Man

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TRUE???? HEAD SHED # 7

I have not been into the Head Shed for a while, but I did run into Doctor Blanca-Vera at Rendon Cafe the other morning. She was with her husband, whom she did not introduce to me, probably because when I called her Chica, she probably thought I was confusing her with her sister Chica.. Not so. I was merely trying to put one over on God and get Doctor Blanca-Vera put into the "annointed one" category as her sister is, so she couldn't be mistaken for a loose woman. It did not work, so either you cannot fool God or you must be a priest to "annoint" someone. I will have to find out how Chica accomplished that.

Doctor Blanca-Vera told me she was not Chica, which I knew, and that she was the Phsychiatrist, which I also knew. Her husband told me that he had altered a sign at the Head Shed by affixing an arrow to the "loose women-pickpocket sign" to direct one's eye to Sharon-Michell-Alice when you read the words Loose Women, to lessen the stigma on Doctor Blanca-Vera, which I did not know. I also did not know there was any stigma attached to one's being known as "a loose woman". Historically, most of the women who have made great accomplishments in different fields of endeavor have been loose women.

Joan of Arc's battlefield accomplishments were unmatched even by most men, and Joan was as loose as a goose and crazy as a bedbug. Everybody knows that Carrie Nation always downed a fifth of red-eye before taking her hammer into the saloons and busting them up. Florence Nightingale mended broken bodies relentlessly, and practically everybody knows about Hillary.

Maybe we could start a class for loose women, instructing in all the finer points, and removing the stigma. like an exorcism. Sharon-Michelle-Alice could tell us what things to leave, and which to get rid of. Maybe one could be another Joan of Arc' without killing everyone in sight and being a full bubble off plumb. This may sound a little radical, even for TRUE????, but maybe Sharon-Michelle-Alice could become the first loose woman priest. I'll vote for her. We could start a new political party. Women for abolishing stigma attached to loose women, or WFASATLW, for short.


Gemini Man
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TRUE # 28

Roy drove to the
cafe the other day on his tractor. I expect that soon Curtis will see that as some sort of challenge, and drive his own tractor up to the cafe. If this were Indiana or some other place far removed from the Mason-Dixon line or the Chisolm Trail, one might expect to see tractors engaging in pulling contests. Up there where they have all the corn and wheat in the world, a tractor could be expected to excel at pulling. Here though, speed is the norm, as we use tractors for racing and hunting., At the moment, Curtis is the King of the Grasshopper hunts with a tractor, but it could just be that Roy has decided to unseat Curtis, and has thrown down the guantlet,

Roy's tractor is at the moment outfitted with hay gathering equipment, but I believe it only takes a short time to put on the grasshopper calls, herding panels, bells, whistles, klieg lights, and a couple of extra large Conibear traps, to make it ready for North Texas Grasshopper hunting. I don't know how evenly the tractors are matched for speed, but Roy does have a street rod, though he denies driving it fast, but he at least knows what speed is. More details will be forthcoming as I learn more about Roy and Curtis' intent.

Carol broke her eyeglasses in a recent soccer match with a diving headbutt to the ball that prevented a score from the opposing team. Her optometrist has let her down with replacement glasses, so she's been trying to repair the broken frames, which broke the glasses in half between the nose pieces. I suggested 2 monacles, but she has to squint too much for that, so here is my next best suggestion.

Put a one inch long piece of duct tape, sticky side up, on a bare table. Have a second, matching piece of tape ready at hand. Lay both halves of the glasses on their lenses, earpieces pointed up, on the first piece of tape, centering the break in the frames in the middle of the tape. Carefully place the second piece of tape sticky side down over the broken frames, keepin the two pieces of tape aligned along the edges, with the broken frame sandwiched in between. You will need a helper to carefully lift the glasses by the earpieces, making certain to maintain alignment. Then staple the two pieces of tape together with the frame break evenly spaced between the ends of the staples. This will require 4 staples. One below the crosspiece, one above, on the inside of the glasses, and the same on the outside of the glasses. These staples will keep the broken ends of the crosspiece pulled together. Lay the glasses back down, on the lenses, earpieces pointing up. Take several wraps of duct tape, this time with the edges of the tape next to the lenses wrapping the tape around the broken crosspiece, between the nosepieces. Select a rubber that is large enough to put over the earpieces just behind the hinges. The rubber band keeps tension pulling the broken pieces of the crosspiece together, The band must be large enough to go over the bill of your ball cap from the top of the glasses, and under your nose from the bottom of the glasses. Adjust the tension so the side of the rubber band under your nose does not pull the glasses down too far, nor the part over the bill of the cap pull up too far. One downside to this method is that it kinda makes the glasses stay with the ball cap, but that's not really a problem unless you lay the cap down and then sit on it. This process has not been submitted to Red Green for evaluation, but I feel certain it would meet nearly 1/2 of the 50% requirements for uses of duct tape.



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