TRUE ???? # 26

Here is my Christmas advice for Carol. Maybe she will know what it means.
Use a heavier bucket for the kitchen door.

Here is my Christmas advice for Pat. Maybe she will know what it means.
Listen to your son. That "clicky thingy" on a pistol is the trigger, which he knew right off.

Here "  "     ""    "' ""'      "" '' James. Maybe he will know what it means.
Never go higher than the bottom rung on a ladder.

Before I forget:  Carol is NOT bald, and she only wears a wig on Donald Duck's birthday.

Here ---------------------for Donde's daughter Samantha. Maybe-----------------.
The next time you serve eyeballs at a pot-luck supper, put them on skewers instead of popcycle sticks.

News Flash

Darlene terrorizes shoppers at Wally-World. The way it was told to me is Darlene was using the little motorized buggy she was riding in to chase shoppers up one aisle and down another. I think maybe she was trying to keep them away from some item she wanted for herself, but I suppose it is barely possible she had a little too much "who hit John" before starting her shopping excursion.

Here is my-------------------for Sally. Maybe she will know what it means, and not actually try it.
Teach yourself how to ride the FRONT seat on Chesters scooter. Be sure to do it when there is a lot of snow on the ground to give yourself plenty of something real soft to fall in. On those balmy 22 degree days, Chester could keep warm by building you a ramp to jump over one snow pile into another one. Four fingers of Chivas Regal will go a long way toward keeping you warm during your jumps, as long as Chester doesn't imbibe. He must stay completely sober to build the ramps properly. You could be 6 sheets to the wind and steer a motorcycle up a ramp. Remember to get up to speed before the end of the ramp, and keep the throttle open so your rear wheel acts like a gyroscope to keep the bike in trim. Piece of cake.

I had breakfast early today, and left the cafe before I usually get to the cafe. Not many people there at that time. When I came back a couple of hours later, everybody in the world was there, including Chester and Sally. We had thought they had gone down with their cruise ship, and were planning a big memorial. Turns out it was somebody else's cruise ship that had problems. We're glad.

Pat said she dumped her kids at Grandma's house and came to work. We're glad. They were busy as a one-armed paper hanger.

Darlene threatened to cook for herself. That's all I heard, so I didn't get any particulars. Here's what I think happened. Jim said he could outrun her in a footrace, if she wanted to give it a try. She said if he beat her in a footrace, she could damn well cook for herself. I think the residual "who hit John" got her tongue wrapped around her eye tooth, and she couldn't see what she was saying.

Jay says he misses a lot of conversation being nearly deaf as a post. We should build or buy a big megaphone to talk through to Jay, so he won't feel left out and has to wrack his brain trying to figure out what I am talking about in TRUE, since he didn't get to hear what prompted what I write about. Jay, I think everybody else is right there in the boat with you.I hear marginally well, and sometimes I don't know what I'm talking about.

Lisa traded Jay's new horse for a bucket of crickets. I asked her if she got any to boot, and she said: "Nah. It was an even trade". I was really thinking maybe Jay had been taken advantage of, and planning how to skewer Lisa in this TRUE ????. Then before I could leave, Lisa said she had bought Jay a new horse. When I asked cowboy Pat if the replacement was as good a horse as she traded off, Pat said it was a better, bigger horse than what he had, so I guess Lisa is not a female scoundrel after all.

Darlene was heard to say she had to put $20.00 on something (I did not catch the name) at Albertsons. The longer I live, the more I learn. Until today, I did not know Albertsons was a bookie joint.

Here is my thought for Christmas for you all.

Rendon Cafe a good place to eat
And visit with friends is a treat
Whether Hippo or Grasshopper, it's always cooked proper,
So the food here is real hard to beat.

Gemini Man
copyright 2010

geminiauthor.blogspot.com                         Facebook:           burconthomas@gmail.com

TRUE ???? # 25

By now you have all seen or not seen the new cafe signs. The sign on the East side of the parking lot has the cafe name and some pies and such to show that Carol cooks pies and such. You can readily see the sign whether you are East bound or West bound, but you cannot tell (or at least I can't tell) what kind of pie is on the sign.

Carol is the pie person (knowing they are round and all) so she can probably tell you what kind of pie it is. The sign on the West side of the parking lot is redder than the other one, which is probably what makes it visible at a longer distance. Now this next is hand-on-the-bible TRUE, and something I verified my own self. If you (or any body else ) is driving Westbound, and pass the cafe and those signs, when you (or anybody else) gets to The Ferocious Ambush Roadhouse on your (or anybody else's) left side, go real slow until you get to the very top of the hill, which is just past the roadhouse, and make a U turn. Make it wide enough that you (or whoever else) winds up on the shoulder of the road, then stop. You want to be on the shoulder so somebody won't come along and run over you. Shut off your engine so any vibration won't bother you, then take out your binoculars and look Eastward to the trees. That's the trees between the cafe and the auction house. Enough leaves should be gone from the trees now that you can plainly see through those naked limbs and see something red. That red is the Red cafe sign on the West side of the cafe parking lot. Whether or not you can read the sign, telling you that the Rendon Cafe has home cooking, made from scratch, depends entirely on how good your eyes are, and how big your binoculars are. If they are 50 power or more, you will definitely have to shut off your engine, but you will be able to read the sign.

Chester mentioned to me the other day that I was making him famous, alluding to his swinging at the drunk fly. Actually, I'm trying to make him INFAMOUS, so he can be like Jack Nicholson in Easy Rider. Or was Peter Fonda the infamous one? Doesn't matter, but he will have to dress up the paint job on his scooter. And maybe start swaggering more. And when he asks Michelle why Charlie and Robert got their food before he did, since he was there first, don't just capitulate when she says she already knew what they wanted before they got there. Argue. Loudly. When Carol comes out of the kitchen to see what the hell is going on, he will have reached infamousness. (I forgot to tell ya'll that I sometimes make up words also).

Pat and Carol were talking recently about filling and/or not filling salt and pepper shakers. Pat allowed as to how she didn't really mind filling the shakers, because it wasn't hard. When I told them I'd like to watch them refill the catsup bottles sometime, the little bitty holes in the spout must present a challenge, if not a problem, Carol said:"NAH. It's actually very easy. We just take a mouthful of catsup, put a straw on that little bitty spout, then keep blowing mouthfuls of catsup into the bottle until it's full." Pat made a point of showing me that the little bitty spout actually unscrews and leaves a substantial hole in the top of the bottle to refill through. After giving it careful consideration, I think Carols way would be much more fun to watch. Sheridan could take bets on who could fill a bottle the fastest. We could sell tickets. They could start a cottage industry refilling toothpaste tubes for sale to the dollar stores. With Curtis giving instructions on field dressing grasshoppers, Carol and Pat refilling catsup bottles and toothpaste tubes, and Chester demonstrating the humane way to harass flies without hurting them, we might get PETA to sponsor a grasshopper barbecue by withholding the truth about the grasshoppers. We could sell tickets. But, I digress. Back to the real world, according to TRUE ????.

I have a secret to share about Carol, little known, and I found out quite by accident. By sharing this with you, I plan to send this issue of TRUE ???? as part of my resume on a job application to Wikileaks. Wish me luck. Carol has a large variety of hats. I knew that, but I did not know, as I'm sure you don't either, that each of those hats, worn on separate occasions, have a purpose. The hat that looks like the Statue of Liberty with a sparkler on top, she wears on New Years eve and day. The jungle "boony" hat for the Viet Nam peace accords. The brown fur hat for Groundhog Day. The Boy Scout hat for Boy Scout Day. The silk top-hat for Lincolns birthday. The heart hat for Valentines Day. The bucket for Ash Wednesday. The white powdered wig hat for Washington's birthday. The Flag hat for National Anthem Day. The Girl Scout Cap for Girl Scout Day. The green hat for St. Patrick's day. The Court Jesters hat for Aprils fool day. The egg hat for Easter. The Grim Reapers Hat for income tax day. The really nice looking hat for Mothers day. The Navy White Hat for Armed Forces Day. The Flag Hat again for Memorial Day. The Army Helmet for D-Day. The Army P??? Cutter for Army Day. The Flag Hat again for Pledge Allegiance Day. The Tricorn for Independence Day. The Air Force Flat Hat for Air Force day. The Hard-Hat for Labor Day. The Tricorn again for Patriots Day. The really nice looking hat again for Grandparents Day. The Tricorn again for Constitution Day. The sea captains hat for Columbus Day. The Beanie Cap for National Boss Day. The Donald Duck Hat for Navy Day. The Witches Peak hat for Halloween. The red-white-and blue straw Boater for election day. The USS Constitution ball cap for veterans day. The head-band with 2 turkey feathers for Thanksgiving. The Navy White Hat for Pearl Harbor Day. The Tricorn again for Bill Of Rights Day. The Santa Claus Hat for Christmas eve and day. Carol wears these hats on those specific days ostensibly to commemorate those days. Actually, Carol wears wigs every day, and those are the days her wigs are at the cleaners. Now you know the rest of the TRUE???? Story.

Next month, is she bald or what??

Gemini Man

Copyright 2010

  geminiauthor.blogspot.com

  burconthomas@gmail.com

TRUE ???? # 24

For the new readers of this missive who may be out there, you must understand that almost half of nearly everything in it is nearly 50% almost half-truth, while some very small portions of it may be "made-up", or embellished half truths. This reporter will observe the patrons and staff , and relate to any and everyone who can read what goes on in and around the Rendon Cafe. If any patrons and/or staff members don't do or say anything worth writing about thinking they will escape being featured in this newsletter, I will "embellish" something that COULD HAVE BEEN done or said, so the 4 readers of this paper won't be deprived of what MIGHT have been done or said by other customers.

Awhile back, Chester was waving his arms around wildly, and if there had been music, one might have thought Chester was dancing. Of course he had no partner, as Sally had slunk down in her seat and had her head under her arm, but one never really knows if some of today's music requires a partner, so I inquired of Pat if she might hazard a guess at what Chester might be doing. Her best guess was that he was practicing Karate, but as it turns out, there were some flies having a party in an old Jim Beam bottle in the dumpster out back, and one of them had wandered inside, and Chester was seeing how many times he could swing at a drunk fly in mid-flight without hitting it.

Pat asked Sharon (her mother) if she was ready to order, or did she want to wait for the yapper? Not knowing any better, I asked her what a yapper was. She blushed red and mumbled something about me minding my own damn business as she walked away. While I was scratching my head, Sharon said Pat sometimes refers to her father as a yapper. Now I need to figure out if I should refer to him as Yapper Jim, or the more formal Yapper James, or the really formal Mr. Yapper Eller.

The other evening Linda and I were walking across the parking lot to the cafe, when I noticed Darlene doing a rather complicated step that looked like it needed music. When I asked her what it was, she said: "Rocks, and REALLY thin soled shoes".

James and Carol were sprucing up the place the other day, and James leaned a bit too far to one side and fell off the ladder. Fortunately he didn't do too much damage to himself, bruised some ribs, hurt his arm, elbow, wrist, hand, knee on one leg and ankle on the other, skinned up some places, put a knot on his head, and said he might have been seriously hurt if he hadn't slowed down part way down to light a cigarette. Seems he can only fly when he is in costume.

Some of you may know that Curtis and I have a liking for the same table. I claim it is my table, Curtis claims it is his table, so we decided that whoever gets there first gets the table. That would work out really well except that Curtis likes a chair with arms, while I must have a "gunfighter" chair without arms. Whoever gets there first has to do the chair shuffle, and I suspect that when Curtis has claimed and sat at the table, and when I am gone, he takes the chair I like and moves it all the way to one end of the building or the other. Of course I cannot prove that, just as Curtis cannot prove that I put my chair (while doing the shuffle) on his foot and sat down in it on

Page 2

Purpose.

The pot-luck supper the other night was a big success. 72 people signed up, and 63 of them got there. Jim cooked a flock of turkeys, Carol and James brought the ham, Mrs. Reid provided the cornbread dressing, and Raymond brought enough soft drinks to fill a pool, in case someone was "into" taking a moonlight dip in carbonation. There were too many other people and dishes to mention, but I took a lot of pictures that night, and as soon as I get my instructions from my computer guru lady on how to do it, those pictures will show up on Facebook. (On Facebook, look for Burcon Thomas)

Chester, Jim, and James came to my place the other day to pick up a frame for a large sign for the cafe. The sign I had on it had said: "Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here. Beyond This Place, There Be Dragons." which would be totally innappropriate for the cafe, for many reasons, not the least of which is Carol flatly refuses to grill, fricassee, fry, bake. roast, broil, steam, or serve raw any kind of Dragon of any description, size, or sex. Jim (Darlenes husband) said that Dragon would probably make a really, really good meat loaf, but Carol was adamant. She'll probably put up a sign saying: "No Dragon served here". Then PETA will probably jump on her saying that is highly discriminatory against Dragons.

Carol has provided a plethora of pies lately, and someone must have made some comment or other, because Carol put a notice on the blackboard that: "Pi R round. Not square. Of course she used the Pi symbol, a circle, and a square to make her point, but the makers of typewriters and computer keyboards have thoughtfully left those symbols off these machines so we cannot be as eloquent as Carol was. But I did tell her there is absolutely nothing to stop her from serving a banana cream pie in a square format. Or 2 inches by 6 inches by 10 inches deep for that matter. Of course that will make it very difficult to serve one slice of pie sitting upright on the plate.

Gemini Man

Copyright 2010

http://geminiauthor.blogspot.com

TRUE???? HEAD SHED # 6

This morning at The Head Shed was very enlightening. It was not open at 9:45 a.m., so I went back at 1:45 p.m. and had more luck. Chica/Flo was ready and willing to cut my hair, but the instruments in her hands were electric gardening shears, and a meat cleaver of some sort. Had serrated teeth and that kind of thing, so I asked her if I could interview her instead of getting a haircut. Since she had stated strongly on Facebook that she was NOT a loose woman, I felt I needed to get the TRUE ??? story from the horses mouth, so to speak. And NO, Doctor Blanca/Vera, I DID NOT SAY she had a horsey face. Just seeing her photos on Facebook would put the lie to that, and as we ALL know, this paper is all about Truth and honesty.

Chica/Flo explained to me what it takes to be a loose woman, and WHY Sharon/Michelle/Alice IS a loose woman, and how she came to be that way. I'm not saying I believe this, but I must tell it to you, however many of you there are, just the way it was told to me by Chica/Flo. If you are at work, you are NOT a loose woman. If you are NOT at work, then you ARE a loose woman, regardless of what you are doing while not at work. Chica/Flo said SHE ALWAYS works, so cannot fall into the loose woman category. I asked her if she didn't get a day off, and she said she gets Sunday off. When I said she WAS a loose woman on SUNDAY, she said: "No, that's the Lord's day, and he forgives me for being off work."

When I inquired if she had to say a Hail Mary or anything, she said no, she was automatically forgiven for being a loose woman on Sunday, as it was necessary. She explained to me that CHICA means ANNOINTED ONE, and FLO means FOREVER, and that is why Doctor Blanca/Vera and Sharon/Michelle/Alice cannot get the same dispensation, and therefore are both unrepentant loose women, though Sharon/Michelle/Alice is only a loose woman on Monday, Thursday, every Saturday morning and every other Wednesday and every other Friday.

Chica/Flo had NO COMMENT on being, not being, knowing, or knowing of, a PICKPOCKET, in any shape, form, or fashion, but she did say that Sharon/Michelle/Alice has a buzz cut mullet, and wears a wig to cover it, except when she goes fishing, and then wears whatever ball cap some customer has left in the shop.

Gemini Man
copyright 2010

http://geminiauthor.blogspot.com

TRUE ???? # 23

The person who submitted the winning cafe name, Carol's Country Cafe, was Sheridan, who also had the most entries at 22. Just goes to show that if you endeavor to persevere, you too could win a cup of coffee. She will have this place of honor in this newsletter all to herself, while we, THE LOSERS, must share space.

A.C. S, Allison, Amand D, Anthony, Bobbie S, Brenda, Burt, Carleen, Carol, Charlie, Crissy, Curtis, Darlene, D.H., DWC, Dwight, Eli, George, James, J.K., John G, Johnny J, Joni, Judy, Larry, Linda, Mindy, Rachel, Raymond, Ron S, Sharon E, Sharon V, Sherra. As you can see, that is 33 losers and one winner, out of 104 slips of paper in the jar. A few folks just neglected to put their own name on the slip with their submission, probably as a precaution against getting their name put in a Government Database somewhere. The government won't look at this newsletter in hard copy or online, because they can't tell any better than you can exactly which portions of this missive might actually have some truth woven into the fabric, and which, if any, are products of Gemini Mans imagination. What we have, in spook speak, is Plausible Deniability. Remember that. There will be a test down the line sometime.

I was told, again, that Sheridan is in Oklahoma, again. She never says whether she's winning or losing. I had a talk with the Governor awhile back, and proposed to him that if Sheridan would just say she is losing, whether or not it be true, we could maybe start proceedings to annex Oklahoma into the state of Texas, and name it Sherambler County, Texas. Her losses, if any, would stay in Texas, and so would her winnings, if she'll stay the hell out of New Mexico and Louisianna.

I mentioned to Crissy the mispelling of one of the vegetables on the chalk board and she looked at it, took out her telephone which obviously has a dictionary, no luck, looked in the freezer for the package it came out of, no luck, sooo crissy, you spell it brokolee, with two e's. Take my word for it. You know everything in here is gospel.


Gemini Man
copyright 2010

http://geminiauthor.blogspot.com

TRUE ???? # 22

The Rendon Cafe now has a new AKA.(Also Known As). Cops tend to call that an Alias, but as we are all, nearly all, mostly, practically, somewhat law abiding citizens, we are just also known as "Carol's Country Cafe." The citizens in question submitted 104 names for the cafe. As you all (at least the 4 of you who read this newsletter) know, The Committee to choose the name was comprised of Sally, Rex, and Robert. Robert, being the only Committee member in attendance was forced to choose the name by himself, as the other two members could not make it to the meeting to help choose the name. Failure to attend that meeting would normally have dire consequences, but consideration is given to the reason for the absence. Both Committee members had excellent, very good, absolutely acceptable, perfectly adequate excuses for missing that meeting.

Rex, as you all know, is a renowned ichthyologist who, on the night in question, had a burning need to know for sure if Alligator Gar could swim from the Gulf of Mexico up the Trinity River all the way to Fort Worth. If I had known he needed this information I could have saved him a long arduous trip, and told him "Yes, they can swim that far, and do quite frequently." Rex didn't know I know about Gar, so while Robert was choosing a cafe name, Rex was somewhere around Huntsville with his Ouchita Jon boat being pushed smartly along by a 9.9 Mercury outboard, dodging stumps and slapping mosquitoes. Rex is excused.

Sally had to wash her hair. Sally is excused.

Gemini Man

copyright 2010

TRUE ???? HEAD SHED # 5

This is an OFFICIAL invitation from the staff and customers of The Rendon Cafe to the crew at The Head Shed, Sharon/Michelle/Alice, Doctor Blanca/Vera, and Chica/Flo, to come to the cafe and put your names and ideas for a cafe name into the pot to help us pick a name. The OFFICIAL name (the one on the papers) will remain The Rendon Cafe in perpetuity, but we can pick one we can pronounce. The Committee will meet at the cafe on Thursday, October 28, 2010, at 5:00p.m. to decide on a name. You do NOT have to be present for your selection to win, but you have to be in the cafe to put your name in the jar before that date.

Inside the Head Shed, there is a sign warning customers to beware of pickpockets and loose women. There is some discussion about who is what. Chica/Flo swears that Sharon/Michelle/Alice is a loose woman, but Sharon/Michelle/Alice swears she is a pickpocket. Doctor Blanca/Vera doesn't believe in swearing, so I find it hard to believe she could be a loose woman. She could, on the other hand, very well be a pickpocket. Chica/Flo has said she wasNOT a loose woman, but she has NOT said she was NOT a pickpocket. That leaves three women with not a loose woman among them, but conceivably all three of them could be pickpockets. To test out this theory, I put 6 quarters in my left front pocket, 6 quarters in my right front pocket, and 6 quarters in my right rear pocket, with my billfold in my left rear pocket with two thirty dollar bills in it. I tried sashaying but couldn't figure out how to do it, so I strolled around in the Head Shed for about an hour, then went outside to check my pockets. Left front pocket=empty. Right front pocket=empty. Right rear pocket=empty. Left rear pocket=billfold still there. Checked inside=one forty five dollar bill-one fifteen dollar bill. And eighteen quarters. I had exactly the same amount of money that I started with. Some of it had been exchanged, but for the correct amount. The quarters had all been moved to a different location, but were all still there. I can come to but one conclusion. NO money missing=NO PICKPOCKETS. That can only mean that ALL the ladies, bless them, are LOOSE WOMEN.


Gemini Man
copyright 2010


http://www.geminiauthor.blogspot.com---to read ALL the TRUE's, Head Shed and Cafe, as well as some other things.

TRUE ???? # 21

Carol is in the process of fixing up the cafe now that it is hers. She just put a couple of booths in the back room, for which she conscripted the labor from whomever was likely looking and available. Of course Carol would not ask anyone to do anything she wouldn't do herself, so she was at the helm of James, Jim, Chester, Pat and Chrissy. She was of course in the back where the whip would be most effective.

Chester was commiserating recently about needing a cycle buddy  and the name "Curtis" was mentioned. When asked by Chester to participate, Curtis said he needed more than two wheels. For the life of me I cannot figure out why anyone would need more than two wheels, but there is evidently quite a large body of people who feel two wheels are not enough. Despite Chester and me telling him exactly where the "Training Wheels 'R Us" was located, Curtis opted to stay off motorcycles until he is old enough to learn how to balance himself. He feels perfectly safe on a three wheel tractor racing 100 miles an hour over broken terrain chasing grasshoppers. He can eat a sunny side up egg but not ride a bike. If he'd use a motorcycle, he'd actually catch some of those grasshoppers.

I ordered a B.O.B. sandwich with onion, and it came out of the kitchen looking like a sandwich wearing a purple bowler hat. Bermuda onion, you know.

This morning, Tue. 10-19-10, Jay met Sheridan at her car to help her out of the car and into the cafe. Chivalry was Jays motive, but Sheridan told him she was capable of getting out of her car and into the cafe on her own. That's not at all like Sheridan. Then when she got inside, she came up to my table and asked if I had already eaten, which I had. She handed me this jar of salsa (which she makes and is as good as any you'll find anywhere) and said I could use it tomorrow. She seemed a little out of sorts, so I didn't mention that it was a baby food jar rather than the pint jar she usually hands me. I was sitting too far away from her to eavesdrop properly, and ya'll know what happens when I don't have all the facts at my disposal. There is a new game in the gambling world, and I fear Sheridan has fallen under its spell. It has caused many persons to be slightly "out of sorts" after having played this game. Unbeknownst to most folks, this game can only be won by 4 people in the whole world, because it has "fluctuating" rules. Heed this warning and stay away from the game BINGAPSLETTE21. The effects are not long lasting, so Sheridan is most likely her usual self as I write this. Come to think of it, that could be the reason Curtis stays off motorcycles.

The Committee will meet to make their decision Thu 10-28-10 if they can agree on that date and a time.

Gemini Man
copyright 2010

TRUE ???? # 20

The Beasley Report has been re-classified from SECRET down to CONFIDENTIAL, due to the capture and subsequent torture of Codename Mrs.Beasley. Beasley has been re-assigned to less physical duties until further notice. The following is the re-classified text of your last message:

The members of the faction Head Shed are planning a coup against the CAFE, with complete takeover planned to take place before Christmas. The coup itself is to take place before the Christmas holidays so as not to interfere with families good cheer. The recent meetings of the Wild Bunch have alarmed Sharon/Michelle/Alice, and the Head Shed members have decided a preemptive strike is their best hope for a satisfactory final conclusion of this hostile takeover.
Armament and/or defenses for either side are not clear at this point. Further communications will be released as they become available.
                             End Beasley Report



About a hundred years ago, a lady named Barbara introduced Carol and James. I don't know which of them she knew first, but anyway she got them together. Of course Carol is going to say "Wait a minute. I'm not anywhere near 100 years old, and Barbara would probably agree. Don't know about James, though. Anyway, Barbara and Tracy/Tracie/Traci/Tracey/ came into the cafe to say howdy, but they said "Hello. Glad to meet you" instead. That's o.k.. Any friend of James and Carol are friends of mine and Lindas.

Tracy/Tracie/Traci/Tracey wondered aloud if the scarecrow in the back room was perhaps a drunk taking a siesta. We did not want to tell her that Carol had beat that dummy senseless and forced it into the back room so it would stop scaring customers. Curtis even did a double take and asked if the dummy was full of straw. I said: "Nah. It's full of grasshoppers." Curtis had been contemplating chewing tobacco, while actually chewing tobacco, and discovered he could not contemplate chewing tobacco and a dummy full of grasshoppers at the same time. I believe Curtis has sworn off chewing tobacco.

Carol said Good Morning to everyone the other morning, and got no response. She muttered something about "chopped liver" and Linda told Carol "I don't think anyone heard you say good morning." Carol, remembering that the majority of us are deaf as a post, put some volume into her next good morning, and if Sheridan or Sharon want to bet on a sure thing they could probably bet that Carol was heard all the way to the Head Shed.

Jose was sporting a beat up, scratched up, skinned up, bruised up leg. He didn't say what happened, but here's what I figger. Jose spends all his time playing with horses or at the cafe. Since he's never at the cafe long enough for a lengthy conversation, I'm guessing that one of them horse critters bit him, or threw him off, or fell on him, or just laid down on him for the hell of it. A horse laying on your leg can produce those skinned up places, especially if, after laying there for awhile, he decides to get up, as horses are wont to do. This cowboy has some experience along those lines, so here's my recommendation if that's what beat up Jose's leg. Adjust your stirrup leathers out so they are long enough for you to put your feet in the stirrups and do the splits. That way, if the horse starts down, you can do the splits and your feet won't be under any part of him. If you are not as agile as you once were and can't do the splits anymore, another way would be to sit in the saddle, pull your feet up and tuck them in behind the cantle so you won't have no legs hanging down for the horse to lay on. I will admit that is a VERY uncomfortable way to sit in a saddle, and NOT one I would recommend. The last thing possible is also the VERY LAST thing to try, and ONLY THEN in the dead of night, no light coming from anywhere, not even the moon. Then before mounting, yell four or five times at the top of your voice to see if anyone is within hearing. If it's all clear at this point, try riding side saddle.

I asked Carol the other day when I had pancakes and bacon, why, instead of my bacon being flat as a board and crisp as a potato chip, it was all curled up like it was hiding. She said I got the Tail end of the bacon. The Wild Bunch made me sit in the corner this morning, so I'm beginning to wonder if I'm being told something, in a not so subtle way.

                                   R.I.P.
                      Warlock's Sirius Warrior
                        Sept. 26-1997 to Oct. 4-2010

To keep up with this NL and Head Shed NL:
http://www.geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Gemini Man
copyright 2010

TRUE ???? HEAD SHED # 4

Chica/Flo told me some time ago that Sharon/Michelle/Alice was a loose woman. Sharon/Michelle/Alice denied that vehemently. As a graduate of OGCNSFTAOHR (see Head Shed # 1) she is adept at the use of knives, razors,scissors ,hatchets, axes, tomahawks,scythes,machetes,and more recently, firearms. She is known as "No B???? Alice" ONLY because she has no b????, NOT because she is a wuss. She is uptight as a banjo string, so I guess "loose woman" wouldn't fit. That black eye she has now is another story for another time.

Chica/Flo has some pictures on Facebook that show off her "Foxy" look, so I am hesitant to ask her how her  class is going in Pornograpy school. She keeps saying "Stenography school", so if that's her story, I'll back her up. This paper is, after all, TRUE. (See disclaimer in Head Shed # 1)

Blanca/Vera has learned that you learn a lot more by being quiet and listening a lot. Based on the number of words Blanca/Vera has said to me, she must have a PHD in listening. If she will let me know, I'll start referring to her with her title. DOCTOR Blanca/Vera. If she doesn't have her Doctorate yet, I'll still call her Doctor Blanca/Vera until her BA turns into a PHD. She might even think about a career in the FBI, CIA,SMERSH, NSA, UNCLE, or even the BS of A.

A spy, Codename: Mrs. Beasley, was captured and forced to talk. She had information about The Head Shed planned coup against Rendon Cafe.(formerly Big Country Cafe) The patrons and staff of the cafe have not as yet learned of the coup, as the information they received was classified SECRET, and all of them had only CONFIDENTIAL clearance. The copy of that report that was given to you is all the cafe has, at this time. That status could change anytime.

This is to inform you that the Head Shed is invited to participate in the cafe naming contest. The OFFICIAL name, on the papers, will remain Rendon Cafe, but patrons and staff can name it anything they want to call it. The Head Shed crew can pick names they would like it to be and submit them just as anyone else would. Paper and pen are furnished at the cafe, and you must be at the cafe to put your name, and cafe name, in the pot. A committee, appointed by me, will choose a name from all those entered, and the lucky entrant will receive a 100% absolutely free cup of coffee, soft drink, or tea. Your choice.

Online Readers Must be in the cafe to put in your name,but need not be present to win. TIES will be decided by Gemini Man
Gemini Man
copyright 2010

True ???? # 19

SECRET

REPORT OF: MRS. BEASLEY 

This document is classified SECRET. Readers of this paper have a classification of: CONFIDENTIAL, so portions of this document have been expunged. Two other people besides myself have SECRET (and above) clearances, but if they read the complete document and then talked, they would have to be killed, so they have decided to read ONLY this CONFIDENTIAL  version.

The _______ of ________________ are planning _______________________, with ______________________ planned ____________________ _____________. _____________________ _________________ the __________________ so as _________________ with _______________ cheer . The recent ________ of the __________ have ______________________________, and the __________

____________ decided __________________ is their _________ for ____________________  conclusion _______________.___________________ for ___________________ at this point. Further ______________________ as they ______________.

End Beasley Report

There is some positive feedback about a "cafe naming contest", so although the "official (on the paperwork)" name will remain The Rendon Cafe on the papers, we, as more than "just casual customers", can call it anything we want, that some of us agree on. Mrs. Reid/Reed said I cannot sit on the judging committee, but she forgot to say that I cannot APPOINT that committee. I decided that a committee of 21 would be just right. Upon reflection, though, if the committee is that large, that would only leave "transient" customers to put forth names. SOOo. Since we are a "limited in number" group, a committee of three (3) will be appointed to decide which name from the thousands that will be submitted will be the UNOFFICIAL name of the cafe and win for the submitter the "ABSOLUTELY 100% FREE cup of COFFEE".

Carol told me (or she WOULD HAVE if I had asked) that you do NOT have to be present to win, and any and everybody, committee members and all, CAN submit a name for the judging, which will be done when we get some names. A post it note pad will be in the rack with the newsletters for you to put the name for the cafe, and your name on, or else Carol won't know who to give the coffee to. I really don't care if you want to use the "Democratic" method of submitting, which is often, just remembering that if you submit a thousand names, you might be selected to COUNT the names. A box will be provided to drop the submissions into, and the committee, which will henceforth be known as The Committee, will determine which name wins. I suppose it is not out of the realm of possibility that Committee members might be "bought", as is our Congress, if you have a strong enough desire for a certain name, and enough money.

Online readers of this NL can submit a name, but ONLY in the cafe.

Gemini Man  copyright 2010

TRUE ???? # 18

When Linda and I went to the cafe for dinner Friday evening, the sign on the door for the cafe open/close hours read 6:00 p.m. for closing, and we thought it should have been 8:00 p.m.. When I asked Chrissy why they were going to close early, she said the sign should be 8:00 p.m..She had made that sign only that afternoon, and there was a whole string of 6's. Chrissy had gone to the twilight zone and was just writing 6's up the kazoo, temporarily forgetting where to make an 8 instead of a 6. She fixed the sign, they stayed open until 8:00, and I had a bowl of catfish for dinner. It looked and tasted just like Chili, but I figure if I keep saying it was catfish, my stomach won't be able to tell the difference, and cholesterol be damned.

I don't know what caused it, but Sat. morning Raymond said: "One person in here likes me," and raised his hand expecting to see at least 3 hands up, counting his. Toby got really interested in something on her plate, and Chrissy started looking around for coffee cups to fill. Don't worry, Raymond, the reason I did not raise my hand was only because I had a cup of coffee in one hand and a fork or something in the other. I'm nearly sure that probably  almost nearly half of the 5 % of customers who can practically hear some of what is said probably didn't hear you.

There was a meeting of the Wild Bunch Sat. morning. I heard absolutely nothing of what was said, so any conjecture I might make would be totally baseless, even if it was true. As the ranks of the Wild Bunch thinned as members finished breakfast, the group was pared down to the Spit & Whittle club. Since Carol got rid of the spittoons and banned spitting on the floor, the meetings of the S&W club are largely uneventful. Even boring. For that reason, I have had to add to my staff. A full time SPY, codename: Mrs Beasely will henceforth be in attendance at the cafe.

On Sun. morning, a mysterious Mr.X, handed Carol a long stemmed rose. I know this to be TRUE because I saw him hand it to her. James was not in attendance, so I will just call the stranger "JACK".

Donna was long faced cause her dart team got trounced 9 to zip. I must remember to ask Curtis if he is a tee-totaler, and if not he maybe could be hired to lead the opposing dart team astray with copious amounts of John Barleycorn  JUST BEFORE a match with Donnas team. Cheating, you say? NAH! Cheating would be to hire Sharon and Sheridan and Darlene to get blitzed and play for the OTHER team. Carol would probably get in on that, except she'd rather shoot than throw darts.

Gemini Man
copyright 2010

TRUE???? # 17

I was on my way out the door the other day, and Jim was sitting in that booth right inside the door. He was brandishing (yes, brandishing. He was totally serious.) a flyswatter. He seemed to be concentrating on one particular fly, so I bet him he could not hit it. Before saying yea or nay, Jim cut loose a swing that Babe Ruth would have been proud of. It connected, too, but that was one bad a?? fly, and instead of dying immediately, it did a swan dive into Jim's bowl of beans. Quick as a wink, Jim pushed that fly to the bottom of the bowl and drowned it in bean juice. Unfortunately, the fly was about the same size as a bean, and Jim couldn't seem to find it. I told him that the fly wasn't all that much extra protein and wouldn't hurt him at all if he ate it. Wordlessly, Jim dumped his bowl on the table, and as I went to the Bronco, Jim was busy fingerpainting the table with bean juice. I saw him this morning, but he never said if he found the fly.

Ya'll might remember the little drizzle we had Sat. the 25th. I pulled up really close to the door to let Linda get out with her umbrella. Then I parked way the hell and gone on the other side of the parking lot. By the time I got  inside, I was just a mite wet, as Linda won't let me have an umbrella, but Carol was standing there inside the door, so I dried off on her. Comments were being made about chivalry not being dead, which some took to mean my getting Linda right up to the door, but I think they were talking about Carol letting me use her for a towel, which is the same as her spreading her cape across a puddle so my dainty feet wouldn't get wet crossing. Toby made Raymond walk all the way across the parking lot in the rain, and she didn't care if he got wet. That would have been a perfect day of work for umbrella demonstration people.

Some of our vacationing regulars are back, sporting suntans and such, as Chester and Sally vacationed in Lower North Cabo San Lucas, while Jim and Sharon laid in the sun at Upper North Cabo San Lucas. Nobody said anything about rain or sleet or hail or snow, but I have it on good authority that it can sometimes even snow in Upper North Cabo San Lucas, being so close to Canada and all. I think Cabo is a regional name for moose.

Everybody mark your calendar, because on Sept. 27, 2010, at precisely 5:48 p.m. , James did something right. I know this for a fact, because he told me so hisownself. I believe James is trying to get into the Guiness book of records, because at precisely 5:50 p.m., he did something wrong. Now James did not say he did something wrong, he merely said he forgot something, which we all know is wrong and totally unforgivable. I forget if two rights make a wrong, or two wrongs make a right or something like that, but in my case it doesn't really matter, because James knows what I'm talking about even if I don't, and who cares anyway?

The sign over the door now just says: CAFE.  Succincter it cannot get. (we sometimes make up words to keep you on your toes) I propose we have a cafe naming contest, with the winner to be chosen by a panel of judges. Anyone proposing a name CANNOT sit on the judging panel. Winner MUST be present to win, and the prize to be awarded a 100% absolutely FREE cup of coffee.

You can now read this newsletter, as well as: TRUE???? At HEAD SHED, and some other stuff at:

GeminiAuthor.Blogspot.com

Gemini Man   copyright 2010