TRUE ???? # 49

4-20-12

TRUE ???? # 49

"Hottie" Carol found a snake in her truck the other day, and was looking for some way to kill it. Curtis told her that the snake was not poisonous, and since it was only about 4 feet long, it would be advantageous for her to keep it, as it would be a good pest control method. I agree with that totally, and went to have a look at her "pet" snake. I'm not afraid of snakes, and don't think anyone should be. For this reason, and because there is plenty of time, I have not as yet told "Hottie Carol" that if she feeds that snake all the rats, mice, rabbits, squirrels, and various other mammals it can eat, in just a few short years her ANACONDA will be about 16 feet long and able to eat her truck and various customers. I feel certain that Curtis did NOT know it is an Anaconda, as I'm sure he would never knowingly endanger Carol or any of her customers.

Somebody at the cafe really likes Lacy. After these people left, she went to bus their table and this red thing was sticking up leaning against the salt and pepper shakers, She called "Hottie" Carol over, and Carol laughed so hard I had to know what was going on. On the red place mat for the table, someone had writtin their name, number, and particulars with a smiley face. Since this gentleman may be new to the cafe and may have no idea what TRUE ??? is all about, maybe never having seen one, I'll forego the presses credo of "the people's right to know", and skip the details such as name, number, and other pertinent information until such time as the person in question has acquainted himself with TRUE ???? to the point he will know whether to step up or not.

We have not seen or heard from The Wild Bunch for some time, and some folks may not be aware that they have been incarcerated in the State Calaboose just up the road. That institution has the word "vita" in it's name. I am almost certain that word means "life", but I'm not clear as to whether that means the Wild Bunch is serving a "life" sentence, or their "life" is enhanced by being there, or what. I am assuming that whatever their transgression, Chester must not have been caught, because I see him occasionally, and one can only surmise that Sally is on some sort of "work release" program, as I see her sporadically. I'll let you know if I hear any rumors of "escape."

Sanora slipped a "ringer" into the coloring contest, and won, so I asked "the ringer" if she would mind coloring against me, as Carol won't believe I'm just a big for my age 8 year old. "The ringer", (whose name I promise to get in print) said she wouldn't be afraid to color against me if I was 150 years old and she had to color with one hand tied behind her. That's confidence.

Some of you may know that we have a new German Shepherd puppy. When we took him to the vet this morning for puppy shots, we went from there to the cafe to show him to Carol. Not being able to take a dog into the cafe and Carol being "so far behind another minute won't matter", she came out to the Bronco to see Black Magic. While smooching our puppy, she inadvertently leaned against my truck with her elbows. We left to take Magic home, then returned to the cafe for lunch. Carol said she had a bone to pick with me, and laid the last copy of TRUE ???? on our table. She then fiddled with her phone a bit, ( I am aware that some of you may not know that you can fiddle with these smart phones, but I understand the next generation you can play like a banjo.) and produced some pictures of her (Carol) elbows. You would have thought she'd been playing War Games in a t shirt. She had rubbed 4 months of grass growing dirt off my Bronco. When I said she had set me back 4 months in my sodding effort, she told Darla to give our check to somebody else. The 4 gentlemen sitting at the table next to us didn't catch it until they were almost ready to leave, at which point they politely declined our generous offer of them paying our check.

Now I guess I'll have to put that dirt back on the Bronco with a trowel.

Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 48

4-18-2012

TRUE ???? # 48

While I was having a Burt's Taco for breakfast, Ash poured me some coffee and asked if I wanted her to mow my lawn. You all know that I am such a workaholic I could never allow someone else to mow my grass, so I declined and asked her if she was needing some extra money and was mowing lawns for it. She said no, and she hadn't planned to accept money. She does some charity work, and it was time for her to do something for someone older than dirt, and I was the only one she knew that old. I told her that Curtis was probably that old, and maybe Chester, but she said she was pretty certain that I was way older than them, maybe even them put together. I politely refused her offer, but said I'd happily let her wash the Bronco. She politely declined and said maybe Lacy would wash my car. When I asked Lacy if she would wash the Bronco, she smiled brightly and said I must be an apple short of a fruit basket if I thought I could get her to wash my car. She then proceeded, at length, to tell me what all I must have wrong with me to ask such a question. Then Lacy made a very good suggestion. She said: "Why, with such a good start at being covered with dirt, it would be a shame to wash the Bronco. Why don't you just keep adding a little more dirt and filth every day, then get Curtis to sod the Bronco. Then as soon as the grass is long enough, let Ashley mow the grass on the Bronco."

As you all know, I ponder occasionally, so I'm going to ponder this for awhile.
The only problem I have with the idea, is that I have no idea where I can get some red grass.


Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com.

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 47

2-26-12

TRUE ???? # 47




I don't know whether Hottie Carol advertised or what, but recently an old guy contacted her trying to sell her a farm. He said the constant quack quack here, and moo moo there, and everywhere a oink oink quack moo was driving him insane and he wanted to sell out and get him a condo in town. Carol thought it over carefully, then decided she could incorporate some farm stuff into the cafe and not actually have to buy old MacDonalds farm, which would have necessitated a very long drive into town every morning to open up the cafe, and she finds it much easier to buy the milk than to milk all those cows, so she turned down old MacDonalds offer and set about combining the cafe with some farm stuff.

She promises that one farm thing that WILL NOT be incorporated into the cafe is the farm smells, which all of you former farm dwellers will agree, had some very pleasant smells, and some VERY UNPLEASANT smells, which we can do without at breakfast.

The transition is taking place as this is written, and so far there has been no necessity to scrape cow-flop or chicken s!!! off your shoes before you enter, or as you leave. Alas, because of health department regulations, we shall probably have to forego the quite pleasant smell of new mown hay as well.

When all is said and done, she plans to have a grand opening, which she will advertise somehow, so that all who wish may attend. Ya'll come if you can.


Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 46

1-16-2012


TRUE ???? # 46


I found out something the other day that I did not know, though some of you maybe have known it for forever, or nearly that long.
You all remember seeing on T.V. or the newspaper at various different times where someone with a backhoe has dug up a water main, so some people are without water until the water guys get it fixed. That's Curtis doing that.

His cover is "landscaping", while his real agenda is disrupting the water supply. I came into the cafe the other day, midday, and Curtis was sitting there with his feet up, relaxing. He was thoroughly wet, but it had rained THE DAY BEFORE, but not this day. When I asked him why he was there in the middle of the day, wet, with it NOT raining outside, the truth came out. (My interrogation methods are classified "Top Secret", and will not be revealed in this paper.)

Curtis had been at D-FW Airport (Covert Operation Welldigger) and some of his equipment malfunctioned. By the time he got the machinery shut down, the water supply for the airport, Denton County, Ellis County, and Hood County had been shut down completely. Curtis might have gotten away clean, but the force of the water coming out of the ground had deposited his pickup in Colleyville, a few miles West of D-FW Airport. He was picked up, soaking wet, still on airport property, trying to thumb a ride to Colleyville.

I asked him why he was still wet, since this episode had occurred a few hours before. Seems that Darla had dropped someone at the airport and was on her way to work, so she took him straight to the cafe. She told "Hottie" Carol that she was late because some idiot with a backhoe had dug up a water main on the airport and flooded everything on the airport, including the parking lot she was in. All flights into D-FW had been diverted to Austin, so that busses could get to Dallas from the West and South.

Curtis was dripping water everywhere, so Carol put two buckets on the floor and made him stand in them until he quit dripping. Then she handcuffed him to the table so he couldn't walk around and get the floor wet and slick for the other customers.

Chester finally asked him why he wasn't arrested trying to hitch a ride on the airport property. Curtis said he told them he was an illegal alien, and the airport cops made him get out of their car and said they were not even allowed to TALK to him.


Gemini Man
geminiauthor.blogspot.com

copyright 2012

TRUE ???? #45

12-14-11

TRUE ???? # 45

This years TIBTACHPLF (The In Between Thanksgiving And Christmas Holiday Pot Luck Feast) was a big success, with 58 people showing up in festive mood. People came from as far away as Bogata and Retta City, and Chester and Sally cut short their Seminar, Haitian Voodoo-How it's practiced, where it's practiced, and how to remove a spell from yourself and transfer it to somebody you REALLY don't like, which was conducted in Haiti by Chester, Sally, and the Haitian Voodoo Priestess, Gertrude. They plan on bringing their seminar to Rendon as soon as they can get the discrepancies in Sally's Passport ironed out, meanwhile she has her birth certificate and work permit in order.

I heard someone ask Chester if those voodoo rituals really have naked people dancing to drumbeats around a fire, so It seems there is at least some interest in Voodoo rituals. Renato immediately volunteered to be the drummer if there was ever a ritual at the cafe, saying he had the only drum in Texas (or maybe even the whole Southwest) that was the Correct drum for that ritual. I told him he would have to check with "Hottie" Carol, since it is her cafe and she might not want somebody pounding drums in there, lest it might crack the plaster.

Turns out Carol "cleans up real nice", and she sported a new dress to the soiree instead of her Chef's uniform and big hat. She did have a big hat on for a while, but it was a cowboy hat, as it should be, and the dress could handle breakfast, lunch, dinner, an evening out on the town, and hunting on the weekend, as she almost disappeared when she stood up against the Christmas tree. It was o.k. with the cowboy boots, but we'll have to wait and see how "Hottie Carol" and her camo dress work with hunting boots. She said she could not wear that dress in the kitchen, cause in camo, not being able to see yourself and all, she'd be running into herself all the time. The dress is not really camo, but has an array of greens that do a good job.

Eddie D., Karen D, and Brad D came all the way from some Hill that is way to hell and gone somewhere South of Midlothian, where they have all those weird lights in the sky. I asked him about those lights, and he said they need more of them, so if you have any extra weird lights, send your excess to: Eddie D, somewhere, but not IN Midlothian. I'm sure he'd be appreciative.

Ron and Anne C flew in from Tyler to Dallas, then took the bus from Dallas to Rendon. I asked Ron if it shouldn't have been done the other way, and he said "NAH". He's trying to get a million miles on a bus since he retired. I think it's just possible he needs more to do, but Anne thinks he's afraid he might run off and join the Air Force again if he gets around an airplane too much.

Trish is the better half of Renato with the drum, who you've already met. Trish builds websites, working about 20 hours a day for herself, then she drinks a cup of coffee and works the other 20 trying to keep Google afloat. Since I know everything there is to know about computers, I rarely ever have to call her up at 2:00 a.m. to find out why my computer is not doing whatever it is not doing at the time.

***I asked Hottie Carol if she's going to continue having these informal get togethers, and she didn't know. She's been doing her 7 days a week thing for over a year, and she might be nearing
Page 2


burnout. She probably needs to relax and regroup.***


We know from experience that she don't do well in an airplane, so she should probably take a cruise to the Caribbean so she can learn some Haitian Voodoo. Then she could help Chester and Sally and Voodoo Priestess Gertrude with their Voodoo Rituals. There's this Romanian/German/Brazilian/American/Gypsy/Texan drummer boy I know who has the proper drum and would be happy to help out.

I was really surprised at how many people were there that could not tell the Hippo meat from the ham. Hippo doesn't taste anything like ham. Looks like it, but tastes like chicken. I thought one of the birds was Madagascar pigeon, but Jim assured me that both birds were in fact turkey, as advertised. There wasn't much of anything left over, so I guess everybody thought everything tasted fine.. That's not really a surprise, since there are some damn good cooks among those folks attending the TIBTACHPLF. I ain't one of them, contrary to what somebody told Sheridan, saying that I made that chocolate dessert. That was Linda's, I just put the recipe in one of the issues of TRUE ???? My idea of "cooking" for a two week hunting trip is a case of Wolf brand Chili, and a case of toilet paper. "Nuff said.

Jim E wants to try his hand at grilling a Nile crocodile, and wants to know if anybody has a 16 foot long rotisserie he might borrow. Curtis says he's pretty sure the Nile River runs along the Eastern edge of his deer lease, and he'll try to bag a croc for the pot. He said he had bagged a hippo for the cafe, and while he was rounding up enough help to help with the field dressing, a band of County Cork "little people" absconded with it, leaving in it's place a pot of gold, which Curtis immediately threw in the river, "little people" gold being cursed and all. We could probably have used the gold to buy a croc and a hippo, then had Sheridan give the curse to some Retturds as a Christmas present from all of us.


Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2011

TRUE ???? # 44

12-14-11

TRUE ???? # 44

I told Sharon E, that I would figure out a way for her to drive, without having to buy a vehicle with hand controls. The prototype works well, I think, but Jim might have another viewpoint. Bringing the food to the cafe for the potluck, she drove from her house, which I did not see so therefore cannot verify, and had no problems. She pulled into the cafe parking lot without difficulty, cut three or four donuts, then parked in the handicapped slot,without knocking down the sign, I might add. When I asked for the reason for the donuts, her explanation satisfied me, but Jim might not concur. Sharon knows how to drive and everything, but can't feel her feet with the pedals. Here is how she and I solved the problem, realizing of course that Jim might want to tell a different version.

Can't feel your feet = not knowing how much pressure to apply to the gas pedal and the brake pedal. Since I subscribe to the KISS method for doing most everything, that's what I applied here. (For those who may not be acquainted with the KISS method, it means Keep It Simple, Stupid.)

I converted her vehicle to hand controls for about $4.00 for twine, a couple of eye-bolts, and a couple of small pulleys. Jim drilled the holes in her feet cause I didn't have a drill. We installed one eye bolt in each of her feet, halfway between the ankle and the toes for balance. We decided the pulleys weren't going to work, so we'll save them for another project. Then we tied a big (really big)knot in one end of the twine, pulled the line through the eye-bolt in her right (gas pedal) foot up to the knot, which prevents the twine from going all the way through the eye-bolt. Then we cut the twine to a proper length to reach and tie to, her right arm. We first took the twine up through the steering wheel, but then discovered that made her pedals do strange things every time she turned the wheel, so outside the steering wheel is the way to go.

Then we just repeated the procedure for the left (braking) foot. Since you never have to use the brake and the gas pedal at the same time, she is always left with one arm to steer with. Very simple. To go, let your right arm(gas pedal arm)down toward the steering wheel. To slow, raise your arm up a little. Braking is even easier. Remember, she can feel and use her leg. Just step on the brake pedal and push down until the damn thing stops.

Donuts? Jim was little worried as she pulled into the parking lot and stepped out before the vehicle stopped completely. Sharon wanted to see if he could reach back in and grab a turkey before she had to park.

Gemini Man

geminiauthor.blogspot.com

copyright 2011

TRUE ???? # 43

TRUE ???? # 43


***** Remember, when you see the stars, what follows is TRUE, no S??t.
The cafe's annual fall get together pot luck supper, this year called: "The In-Between Thanksgiving and Christmas Holiday Pot Luck Feast", ( TIBTACHPLF) will be held TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13. Bring a dish and $3.00 per person. Get particulars and sign up at cafe. *****

The Semi-Wild Bunch (if they are not all present, then they are only a semi-wild bunch) were in the back room this morning, so I went back and told them I was on a fact gathering mission, and couldn't sit down and visit. I asked them several questions, which they answered with alacrity and without hesitation. I knew what their answers would be, but I'm forced to act like all journalists and overlook the news while printing the "fluff". Suffice it to say, the "semi-wild bunch had nothing to hide, and I wasn't looking for anything anyway.

The same cannot be said of Carol. This morning, (another "this morning," and not the same one as above.), I saw Carol leave the cafe carrying two very large purses. I asked her if she couldn't find a bigger purse, and she said "no", glibly. That made me suspicious. We all know Carol doesn't do "glib". One of these purses would have held the left-over luggage that wouldn't fit in a Volkswagon, and the other one would have held the Volkswagon. During the course of the day, I skulked, sneaked, followed, and largely went un-detected. Carol teamed up with Jim and Sharon, Pat, Chester and Sally, and went to the "back 40" of the property of one of the Wild Bunch. I was unable to ascertain which of the "bunch" owned the property, but Jay met them there, so it might be his property.

All of them gathered at a HUGE, dead Live Oak tree. Carol, Sharon, Pat, and Sally climbed up the tree, some going higher than others, until they were strung out from about 6 feet off the ground nearly to the top. Jay, being the tallest, handed something up to the lowest in the tree, which was passed on up the chain to near the top. I could see each item passed up was attached to a rope so that it was a string of whatever it was all tied together, while Sharon, who was the uppermost in the tree was putting each item into a hole in the tree, and presumably lowering it down inside the tree on the rope. Luckily I had on my camo clothes, so the bunch couldn't see me as I sneaked to within a few yards of the happening.

It then became clear that all the items going into the tree were non-perishable things from the cafe. Coffee, flour, beans and such. I crept away pondering (this is one of those times when I ponder) what was going on. Later in the day, a thought came to me. I should have asked the semi-Wild Bunch if they were hoarding stuff. I believe they would have told me the truth just like they always do and said: "Yes, we are hoarding stuff." If I had done that, you'd be reading the whole truth and not my supposition. As it is, I can only surmise that The Wild Bunch have figured out that a depression is coming, with food in short supply, and if that happens, hoarding would be illegal. So, while hoarding is NOT illegal, they are squirreling away stuff the cafe will need to keep feeding us in the manner to which we have become accustomed.

Carol, remember I like Extra crunchy peanut butter.






Gemini Man
Copyright 2011


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