TRUE ???? TOO # 2

2-13

TRUE ????  TOO                                                                                                 #2

Darlene had a big blowout birthday party, and I think she must have friends from all over, cause Rendon don't have that many people. She said there were 800 people, but I'm pretty sure there were 801 people there. Luma took the blame/credit for dropping the birthday cake on the floor, but she gave Darlene a choice of Chocolate Cheese Cake, Oatmeal Cheesecake, Strawberry Cheesecake, or Cheese Cheesecake as a replacement.(Something about a 2 for 1 sale on cheese). I guess Darlene don't like cheesecake cause she said she'd rather scrape the original up off the floor. The cake tasted fine and wasn't in the slightest gritty. There was music, and Chester ( who says he doesn't have any rythm) danced with most of the women there, some of whom agreed that he don't have any rythm.

Tammy was absent from the festivities, and her excuse was that she would have had to perform her famous "ladder" dance, and she was afraid someone would look up her dress while she was on the ladder, and even though I told her she could be starkers underneath the dress, and as long as she didn't forget to wear her "Lone Ranger" mask, nobody would know who was on the ladder. Of course if she danced often enough that folks could remember her steps, she might have to switch to a Zorro mask to keep her identity secret.

When last we spoke, I related an "egg tossing" event that took place a t Bella Vita. I know that some of you are really skeptic, but the egg toss actually did happen. Here is the rest of that story.

After breaking the egg I tossed to/at her, Tammy came out of the kitchen, holding yet another egg in her hand. She stopped at the end of my table, and said: "Was it Burt or Jim who threw the egg at me?" I was going to "man up" and admit that Jim did it, but when I raised my hand for permission to speak, Tammy took that as an admission of guilt, took one step forward, and brought that egg down, forcefully, on the top of my head. I was expecting to feel goo running down my neck into my shirt collar, and down my face into my mustache. I stayed remarkably dry, and gingerly began feeling the top of my head. At that point. something bounced off my nose and landed in my coffee. I fished it out with my fork, and it was a piece of mushroom. Further exploration into my hair revealed Onion, olives, sausage, bell pepper, jalepenas, cheese, Sunflower seeds, almonds, peanuts, grapes, and a partridge in a pear tree. This was all fresh stuff, just like Luma serves from the kitchen. Turns out that Tammy, meticulously cut a small hole in an egg, drained out the egg, washed the shell out with a scrub brush, rinsed it out twice, dried it thoroughly, then finished up.

As I was paying up at the register, I noticed the LAST item on my check, and the notation:

1 EGG-SHELL omelette-NO CHARGE.

 

TRUE ???? TOO

2-2-13

 TRUE  ????  TOO                                                               # 1

For anyone who has not read TRUE ????, you should know that TRUE ????, as well as TRUE ???? TOO, is almost practically nearly 16 % the plain, unvarnished truth, except for those few varnished un truths, of which there are almost not quite 4 % of the total, which includes the 1 and 1/2 % portions which are blatant lies. Keep that in mind as you read, and you can tell which parts are fiction and which parts are "made-up truths". There are no made up un truths.

The names of the parties herein have been changed to protect the one who is innocent. It will be for you to figure out who that might be.

Some of the characters you may read about in TRUE ???? TOO:

Luma Nescence. The Owner of the establishment, and sometimes the cook as well. If that name was spelled Lumi instead of Luma it would mean LOW temperature emission of light. LOW temperature she ain't. If I wasn't married, Id say she was HOT. Volcanic would be a closer description. She threw an egg at me the other day, and instead of catching it as I normally would, (being afraid that it WAS NOT boiled) I caught it with a whirling motion that catapulted it toward Tammy (Biscuit) without undue stress on the egg. Having thrown eggs at Biscuit (Tammy) before, I was surprised when she caught it and rapped it smartly on the counter she was behind. While she was cleaning up the mess, I inquired as to why she broke it instead of whipping it on toward Chester as I had expected she would. She said (Chester) was leaning way forward on his table so he could yell something at me, and was perfectly screened from her egging position by Sally(The Biker Chick), as she is small enough to be completely hidden behind Chester. That made perfect sense to me. Tammy would not have had a very big target if she was tasked to NOT hit (The Biker Chick) Sally.

We have a plethora of folks to write about, so as time goes by you will be introduced to more of them, and some customers as I learn their names. Anyone who wishes to escape being written about may simply not do anything, and I'll just make something up, which goes against the grain, but the people have a right to know.

Read this paper online at the address below.  Some more egg story next time.

GEMINI MAN

Gemini Author.blogspot.com

Copyright Jan.-2013

TRUE

TRUE

#53




                                                                    R.I.P.



                                                            Henry A. Reid

                                                      November 14, 1920

                                                            May 26, 2012



                                                  "We spoke 'Newfoundland' "







Gemini Man

geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 53

TRUE

#53




                                                         R.I.P.



                                                   Henry A. Reid

                                               November 14, 1920

                                                    May 26, 2012



                                        "We spoke 'Newfoundland' "





Gemini Man

geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 52

5-26-12

TRUE ????                                                                            # 52                                                                             

My birthday just happened recently, (today) and I became a member of the motorcycle Gang/Club that Chester belongs to. I didn't know of it's existence until Linda gave me a B'day card with the club's members photo and name on, and it's "The Old As Hell Angels". This morning, as Linda and I were about to leave the cafe after breakfast, Hottie Carol and Darla came out of the kitchen singing "Happy Birthday" with a fresh-out-of-the-oven biscuit, neatly skewered on a long stem butane lighter, lit, lighted, alight, flaming, or whatever the correct terminology might be for the occasion. The biscuit was delicious, but regrettably only large enough for one. Normally I would have shared, but it WAS a very good biscuit.

Chester was trying to convince Sally to quit the Hell's Angels and come over to his club, but she said she wouldn't be old enough for that one for several years yet.

I accidentally overheard Curtis talking to someone on the phone, and in trying to decipher the language they were using, I distinctly heard "coom by ya", which simply means Curtis was reciting the "Hippiecratic Oath", which they must do every so often or lose their place on the VW bus going to the burning man festival. The "group" dropped the motorcycle requirement when Curtis fell off his "Hog" for about the millionth time, but refused to ride in a sidecar, or with "outrigger wheels".

Hottie Carol wants to make an attempt for a new world record "sky surfing" from one plane to another, and back again. She is almost certain she can make the transition from the first plane to the second with the second being only 1000 feet lower than the first, then maintain the same 1000 foot difference in elevation for the trip back. I tried to tell her I don't think 1000 foot is enough for the return trip, as she will have to get inside the second plane and wax her board before starting back to the first plane. I think the first plane should start to circle as soon as she exits, then come up on her from behind and match the plane speed with hers so her board can be brought into the plane gently, with very little chance of her splattering on the fuselage of that plane. Chester said he thinks she should use a rubber raft, so if she hits the plane hard, she will have some cushion. She's considering that.

Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 51

5-19-12 TRUE ???? # 51 Ashley couldn't change a light bulb from atop a table the other day, being afraid of heights as she is, so Hottie Carol, Darla, and Lacy decided it would be best if they all got together away from the cafe and worked on Ashley's fear of heights. Carol asked her what was the highest she had ever been, and she admitted she could not make it to the top of a ladder to get on the roof at her house. Carol doesn't think doing things in "increments" is helpful, so she decided the four of them should go "sky-diving", which, if it did not scare Ashley to death, would get her over her fear.

When told this, on the way to the airport at Burleson, Ashley said she was too afraid to get in an airplane. Carol had anticipated this, and being a fan of the old t.v. show "The A-Team", she was ready with a syringe full of the same kind of sedative the "team" always had to give B.A. to get him in a plane. All went as planned, and even though it slowed the girls down some, they managed to get the unconscious Ashley into a parachute harness, which is difficult at best.

When all was ready, the girls then began to decide how to proceed, and who would go first, did they push Ashley out or wait for her to jump on her own? They decided that Lacy would jump first, with the camcorder to record the event. They would all be standing at the door, with Carol and Darla supporting Ashley until she woke up. At that instant, Lacy would jump, with her back to the ground, Darla would jump, then Carol would grab the now conscious Ashley and jump out the door, dragging Ashley with her. Piece of cake.

 Carol would hold on to Ashley, giving her instructions on how to use a parachute on the way down. If she was screaming all the time, Carol had a silk bandanna borrowed from Burt's truck to stuff in her mouth and shut her up so she could pay attention to instructions.

 Ashley was as level headed as could be expected, and when she saw that red bandanna in Carol's hand, she said: "Carol, that is NOT big enough for a parachute."

 Unflustered, Carol put Ash's hand on the D-ring and said: "Sometime between now and you splattering on the ground, just pull this ring very hard, and it will open your chute. Take this red bandanna just in case the chute doesn't open." whereupon Carol turned loose of Ash, and pulled her own D-ring, which immediately slowed Carol down as Ash hurtled toward the ground.

 She didn't have to hurtle very far before realizing that this was as good a time to pull that ring as any, and almost ripped that D-ring from the pack, but it did have the desired effect and the drogue filled with air and pulled the main chute from the pack. When the initial shock hit her, for a terrifying moment she thought she had hit the ground, but when she opened her eyes, there was the ground. Way the hell down there. Looking to her right and left, she could see Darla and Carol and Lacy just floating down, light as feathers, so she relaxed. Piece of cake.

 For those of you who know the area, going West from the cafe on 1187, there is a horse training facility just before you get to I-35. Fortunately, since she was extremely relaxed, Ash landed in the stock tank on that facility, while Carol, Lacy, and Darla landed high and dry several yards away. They were able to get to Ash before she swallowed too much water, as Carol had neglected to give Ash instruction on how to GET OUT of a parachute harness, and they pulled her out without problems. Piece of cake.

 The next day, at the cafe, Chester wondered aloud why Ashley's leg brace was hanging on the hitch rail outside, soaking wet. Carol told him to ask Burt. I guess I'll have to write that story, someday. Should be a piece of cake.

 Gemini Man
 Geminiauthor.blogspot.com
copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 50

5-12-12

TRUE ???? # 50

Most of you probably know that Ashley sprained all her toes on her left foot, as well as the arch of the foot, the ankle, and the shin bone half way up to her knee. Freak accident. Curtis bet her that she could not ski from the peak to the bottom of Rabbit Ear Pass. She wasn't paying a great deal of attention at the time, but took the bet, not knowing that Curtis meant for her to ski down the mountain some time after next Christmas. Never one to forego a challenge, Ash hitchhiked to Colorado the other day taking her skis, poles, backpack, jerky, and Mountain Dew. Her ride let her out at the top of Rabbit Ear Pass, looking at Steamboat Springs at the bottom. Not one to be flim-flammed, she immediately realized that if she skied down to Steamboat Springs, then couldn't catch a ride, she would have to walk all the way back up. She then turned and presented her backside to Steamboat Springs, which had her pointed toward Rendon, then pushed off. She skied pavement, dirt, rocks, grass and something that looked a great deal like pine cones. She flawlessly executed Christy after Christy traversing between pavement and all that other stuff, and when the steepness of the terrain warranted, she shussed a bunch, exceeding 90 miles per hour on some of the well worn pavement. She passed several cars and trucks, and by the time she reached the bottom of Rabbit Ear, she had accumulated quite a convoy behind her, horns blaring, hands waving, and cheers echoing off the trees. She had managed to get up enough speed close to the bottom to slide out into the flats about three hundred yards. She brought her now smoking skis to a gliding halt, and bowed to the crowd that was gathering, kicking off her skis and waving to the crowd. At this point, Ashley saw this dipstick on a dirt-bike, chasing a wolf. As the wolf passed her and the dirt bike neared, she gathered her muscles and launched herself full force into the dirt bike rider, knocking him ass over teakettle while his bike continued for a few hundred yards and got back onto the highway, where an 18 wheeler made scrap iron out of it. Ash got her leg banged up a little, but tackling a 60mph motorcycle will do that.

Several people have asked me why the chalkboard is put up at an angle. I would have thought it would be obvious, especially to the regulars, but obviously a lot of folks don't know, so here's the straight scoop.

Anybody who comes to the Rendon Cafe very much, would agree that political discussion can get really heated, which is why one rarely hears political argument there. That's not to say that politics is not discussed, but very few argumants take place. Carol, as everyone knows, is not a big fan of the Prez. But of course if you listen awhile, you'll find very FEW folks that are fans of the Prez. Sometimes, when everybody finishes what they were saying at the same time, there may be a slight lull in which the O name is mentioned, then that person immediately shuts up, like he doesn't want anybody not at his table to hear what is being said. I believe, as does Carol, that the clientelle at Rendon Cafe is basically and largely from the right side of the aisle. To make sure that her cafe can not be branded a "vast right wing conspiracy", she decided that there should be something in there to reflect the "other side". What could be better or more fair than a blackboard with all the side dishes listed on it that "leans to the left". Fair because knowing as we do that the left looks at everything "slightly askew", the blackboard is slightly askew to make up for their left-leaning tendency, so what they are now seeing is the straight scoop.

Lacy and Ashley were discussing the glitter on Ashleys face. I commented that she might want to wear some Christmas lights. Ashley made no comment, but Lacy said she could put Christmas lights around her boo?s. They both swear that what they said was boots, but that's not what I heard.

Gemini Man
geminiauthor.blogspot.com
copyright 2012