TRUE ???? # 26

Here is my Christmas advice for Carol. Maybe she will know what it means.
Use a heavier bucket for the kitchen door.

Here is my Christmas advice for Pat. Maybe she will know what it means.
Listen to your son. That "clicky thingy" on a pistol is the trigger, which he knew right off.

Here "  "     ""    "' ""'      "" '' James. Maybe he will know what it means.
Never go higher than the bottom rung on a ladder.

Before I forget:  Carol is NOT bald, and she only wears a wig on Donald Duck's birthday.

Here ---------------------for Donde's daughter Samantha. Maybe-----------------.
The next time you serve eyeballs at a pot-luck supper, put them on skewers instead of popcycle sticks.

News Flash

Darlene terrorizes shoppers at Wally-World. The way it was told to me is Darlene was using the little motorized buggy she was riding in to chase shoppers up one aisle and down another. I think maybe she was trying to keep them away from some item she wanted for herself, but I suppose it is barely possible she had a little too much "who hit John" before starting her shopping excursion.

Here is my-------------------for Sally. Maybe she will know what it means, and not actually try it.
Teach yourself how to ride the FRONT seat on Chesters scooter. Be sure to do it when there is a lot of snow on the ground to give yourself plenty of something real soft to fall in. On those balmy 22 degree days, Chester could keep warm by building you a ramp to jump over one snow pile into another one. Four fingers of Chivas Regal will go a long way toward keeping you warm during your jumps, as long as Chester doesn't imbibe. He must stay completely sober to build the ramps properly. You could be 6 sheets to the wind and steer a motorcycle up a ramp. Remember to get up to speed before the end of the ramp, and keep the throttle open so your rear wheel acts like a gyroscope to keep the bike in trim. Piece of cake.

I had breakfast early today, and left the cafe before I usually get to the cafe. Not many people there at that time. When I came back a couple of hours later, everybody in the world was there, including Chester and Sally. We had thought they had gone down with their cruise ship, and were planning a big memorial. Turns out it was somebody else's cruise ship that had problems. We're glad.

Pat said she dumped her kids at Grandma's house and came to work. We're glad. They were busy as a one-armed paper hanger.

Darlene threatened to cook for herself. That's all I heard, so I didn't get any particulars. Here's what I think happened. Jim said he could outrun her in a footrace, if she wanted to give it a try. She said if he beat her in a footrace, she could damn well cook for herself. I think the residual "who hit John" got her tongue wrapped around her eye tooth, and she couldn't see what she was saying.

Jay says he misses a lot of conversation being nearly deaf as a post. We should build or buy a big megaphone to talk through to Jay, so he won't feel left out and has to wrack his brain trying to figure out what I am talking about in TRUE, since he didn't get to hear what prompted what I write about. Jay, I think everybody else is right there in the boat with you.I hear marginally well, and sometimes I don't know what I'm talking about.

Lisa traded Jay's new horse for a bucket of crickets. I asked her if she got any to boot, and she said: "Nah. It was an even trade". I was really thinking maybe Jay had been taken advantage of, and planning how to skewer Lisa in this TRUE ????. Then before I could leave, Lisa said she had bought Jay a new horse. When I asked cowboy Pat if the replacement was as good a horse as she traded off, Pat said it was a better, bigger horse than what he had, so I guess Lisa is not a female scoundrel after all.

Darlene was heard to say she had to put $20.00 on something (I did not catch the name) at Albertsons. The longer I live, the more I learn. Until today, I did not know Albertsons was a bookie joint.

Here is my thought for Christmas for you all.

Rendon Cafe a good place to eat
And visit with friends is a treat
Whether Hippo or Grasshopper, it's always cooked proper,
So the food here is real hard to beat.

Gemini Man
copyright 2010

geminiauthor.blogspot.com                         Facebook:           burconthomas@gmail.com

TRUE ???? # 25

By now you have all seen or not seen the new cafe signs. The sign on the East side of the parking lot has the cafe name and some pies and such to show that Carol cooks pies and such. You can readily see the sign whether you are East bound or West bound, but you cannot tell (or at least I can't tell) what kind of pie is on the sign.

Carol is the pie person (knowing they are round and all) so she can probably tell you what kind of pie it is. The sign on the West side of the parking lot is redder than the other one, which is probably what makes it visible at a longer distance. Now this next is hand-on-the-bible TRUE, and something I verified my own self. If you (or any body else ) is driving Westbound, and pass the cafe and those signs, when you (or anybody else) gets to The Ferocious Ambush Roadhouse on your (or anybody else's) left side, go real slow until you get to the very top of the hill, which is just past the roadhouse, and make a U turn. Make it wide enough that you (or whoever else) winds up on the shoulder of the road, then stop. You want to be on the shoulder so somebody won't come along and run over you. Shut off your engine so any vibration won't bother you, then take out your binoculars and look Eastward to the trees. That's the trees between the cafe and the auction house. Enough leaves should be gone from the trees now that you can plainly see through those naked limbs and see something red. That red is the Red cafe sign on the West side of the cafe parking lot. Whether or not you can read the sign, telling you that the Rendon Cafe has home cooking, made from scratch, depends entirely on how good your eyes are, and how big your binoculars are. If they are 50 power or more, you will definitely have to shut off your engine, but you will be able to read the sign.

Chester mentioned to me the other day that I was making him famous, alluding to his swinging at the drunk fly. Actually, I'm trying to make him INFAMOUS, so he can be like Jack Nicholson in Easy Rider. Or was Peter Fonda the infamous one? Doesn't matter, but he will have to dress up the paint job on his scooter. And maybe start swaggering more. And when he asks Michelle why Charlie and Robert got their food before he did, since he was there first, don't just capitulate when she says she already knew what they wanted before they got there. Argue. Loudly. When Carol comes out of the kitchen to see what the hell is going on, he will have reached infamousness. (I forgot to tell ya'll that I sometimes make up words also).

Pat and Carol were talking recently about filling and/or not filling salt and pepper shakers. Pat allowed as to how she didn't really mind filling the shakers, because it wasn't hard. When I told them I'd like to watch them refill the catsup bottles sometime, the little bitty holes in the spout must present a challenge, if not a problem, Carol said:"NAH. It's actually very easy. We just take a mouthful of catsup, put a straw on that little bitty spout, then keep blowing mouthfuls of catsup into the bottle until it's full." Pat made a point of showing me that the little bitty spout actually unscrews and leaves a substantial hole in the top of the bottle to refill through. After giving it careful consideration, I think Carols way would be much more fun to watch. Sheridan could take bets on who could fill a bottle the fastest. We could sell tickets. They could start a cottage industry refilling toothpaste tubes for sale to the dollar stores. With Curtis giving instructions on field dressing grasshoppers, Carol and Pat refilling catsup bottles and toothpaste tubes, and Chester demonstrating the humane way to harass flies without hurting them, we might get PETA to sponsor a grasshopper barbecue by withholding the truth about the grasshoppers. We could sell tickets. But, I digress. Back to the real world, according to TRUE ????.

I have a secret to share about Carol, little known, and I found out quite by accident. By sharing this with you, I plan to send this issue of TRUE ???? as part of my resume on a job application to Wikileaks. Wish me luck. Carol has a large variety of hats. I knew that, but I did not know, as I'm sure you don't either, that each of those hats, worn on separate occasions, have a purpose. The hat that looks like the Statue of Liberty with a sparkler on top, she wears on New Years eve and day. The jungle "boony" hat for the Viet Nam peace accords. The brown fur hat for Groundhog Day. The Boy Scout hat for Boy Scout Day. The silk top-hat for Lincolns birthday. The heart hat for Valentines Day. The bucket for Ash Wednesday. The white powdered wig hat for Washington's birthday. The Flag hat for National Anthem Day. The Girl Scout Cap for Girl Scout Day. The green hat for St. Patrick's day. The Court Jesters hat for Aprils fool day. The egg hat for Easter. The Grim Reapers Hat for income tax day. The really nice looking hat for Mothers day. The Navy White Hat for Armed Forces Day. The Flag Hat again for Memorial Day. The Army Helmet for D-Day. The Army P??? Cutter for Army Day. The Flag Hat again for Pledge Allegiance Day. The Tricorn for Independence Day. The Air Force Flat Hat for Air Force day. The Hard-Hat for Labor Day. The Tricorn again for Patriots Day. The really nice looking hat again for Grandparents Day. The Tricorn again for Constitution Day. The sea captains hat for Columbus Day. The Beanie Cap for National Boss Day. The Donald Duck Hat for Navy Day. The Witches Peak hat for Halloween. The red-white-and blue straw Boater for election day. The USS Constitution ball cap for veterans day. The head-band with 2 turkey feathers for Thanksgiving. The Navy White Hat for Pearl Harbor Day. The Tricorn again for Bill Of Rights Day. The Santa Claus Hat for Christmas eve and day. Carol wears these hats on those specific days ostensibly to commemorate those days. Actually, Carol wears wigs every day, and those are the days her wigs are at the cleaners. Now you know the rest of the TRUE???? Story.

Next month, is she bald or what??

Gemini Man

Copyright 2010

  geminiauthor.blogspot.com

  burconthomas@gmail.com