TRUE ???? # 35

Ya'll remember now that Chester and Sally are gone up to yankee land, you may feel free to talk about them as much as you want to, and they will never probably never possibly never maybe never most likely never could might very well could probably will with absolute certainty will find out about it, so be careful what you say.

Pat was making this funny motion this morning, and said something about this "rotatey thing-a-ma-jig". Pat was with the Wild Bunch, and as I am a "honorary Wild Bunch member", I can sit in the booth next to them when they have commandeered my table, so I was in close proximity. Sheridan asked me if I was getting anything for  "TRUE", and I said I was going to have to find out what a "rotatey thing-a-ma-jig" was. Jim and Sharon both said she was talking about a bar-b-que rotisserie. As I am writing this for TRUE, we all know I must be absolutely accurate, so I dug out my copy of " Merriam-Webster's Eleventh Edition of  Colloquialisms- How To Use Them, When To Use Them, and What They Mean".

Under "Rotatey thing-a-ma-jig", it says: "A spit, through a beef, buffalo, elk, moose,  hog, or other large animal, that is turned with a handcrank to rotate the animal over the fire." On the other hand,The hippo,on a spit, differs in that the spit is a section of railroad track, bent appropriately and turned with an internal combustion engine, usually a 6 cylinder Chevrolet, which has the perfect engine RPM at full throttle to rotate a hippo, and is called a "Rotatey whatcha-ma-callit." Say what you will, but Pat knows her Colleywhynots, which is aWest Texas colloquialism for "Colloquialism".

*Carol didn't tell me what we are calling this, so I guess I'll just have to make up a name, hard as that is to do. A get together, similar to the pot luck supper we had *last November. Each person brings something, and three dollars. Last time we had like 73 people sign up, and 64 showed up and had a great time and a lot of *good food. If you made it in November, you know it's worth your time and effort, so if you didn't make the last one, be sure to get there for this replay. July 3,2011 *, at The Rendon Cafe, after hours. That is a Sunday, after 6:00 P.M. The night BEFORE the 4th of July, so you can still make your 4th celebration, unless you are *having it in D.C., which would be like a jail sentence.This one will be called The Day Before The 4th Of July Celebration Celebration, or  TDBT4thOJCC  for *short. Sign up at the Cafe.

Carol and James have acquired a GHOST at their house. It shuffles the dogs around where they are not supposed to be. I can see all kinds of problems with a ghost at your house, BUT. It would be cool if there was a ghost at the Cafe. We would be patronizing the only cafe in the Lone Star State that had its OWN ghost. Think of the fun we could have when Chester gets back and finds a ghost sitting at his booth. We could call Ghostbusters. Hell, we could BE Ghostbusters. In nice weather, Roy could drive the ghost around in his street rod. People would follow him to the cafe. When the Ben E. Keith delivery gets to the cafe, we could have the ghost make the delivery man unload the truck, and James could sit with his feet up and drink coffee. I heard Curtis say he would volunteer to help the ghost if he could "borrow" the ghost one night a week. Sounds like somebody might owe Curtis money. Sheridan, can you put a spell on a ghost? If so, we Really NEED a ghost!!!

Since it does take some effort to sort the real truth from the maybe truth, from this day forth, if you see a star * next to something, it is to be taken as the absolute truth. No s!!!

**Alpine Shooting Range is for Sale, if you happen to be needing a shooting Range. Even if you don't need a shooting range, Alpine is still for sale. A $3,500,000.00 investment would earn you about $300,000.00 a year in income. Think about it, Sheridan. That would be better than giving all your money to Oklahoma.

Before Curtis wears out the legs on my chair so it would only be tall enough for my chin to reach the table, I'd like to suggest that he use his handy-man talents and put wheels on his chair, and my chair. That would make the both of them much easier to move. We could also have chair races, as long as the wheels had good bearings and didn't make much noise, so Carol couldn't catch us. I can see where that might be a problem, since there would likely be wagers involved, and and a crowd cheering on "Their guy" would certainly alert Carol, unless we could make her believe everyone is cheering a football game on the radio. I can see where that might be a problem if it's not football season. We could open an indoor shooting range in the back room, and the gunfire would mask wheel noise AND cheering. And we could sell tickets.

While I had the Merriam-Webster out, I checked to see if there was a colloquialism for what Carol was doing Friday night. She had that pastry decorating bag out and was busily applying cake icing to her mouth and tongue. Of course she was not actually touching the frosting thingy to her mouth or tongue, but applying a white frosting from about a foot away. The girl is damned accurate with that thing. I kept expecting her to squeeze frosting in her eyes or up her nose, but she kept it all on her tongue or lips so it could be wiped off with her tongue. Websters says that is called "Frostingy Thingy Applique". Her degree of accuracy is only ½ smidgeon away from a Doctorate in Frostingy Thingy Applique Extraordinairre. As soon as she can apply that frosting with the right hand while simultaneously hitting a man sized target with a 9mm with her left hand, she can be called Doctor Carol Wells, FTAE.

Gemini Man

Copyright 2011

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com

TRUE # 34

TRUE ????   #  34

The other day I happened to notice that my name was misspelled on the B'day board. Spelled with an er instead of a ur. Not being a picky person, I simply asked Sheridan if she would put a curse on whatever blackhearted person spelled my front name with an "er" instead of the correct "ur". Then Sharon , sitting right there with Sheridan, spoke up and said she was the one who had spelled it wrong, and she was very sorry, but she thought it was spelled with an er rather than a ur. Of course I immediately foregave her, but by the time Sharon started talking, Sheridan was already into her curse, so now Sharon, whose name is Eller, spells it with a "ur" instead of an "er", so until the curse wears off at Halloween, Sharon will spell her name Ellur instead of Eller. Sheridan is very fast with curses, though she would like to not be a witch.

Bob Cole needs some dynamite to get rid of some bees in one of his buildings. I told him dynamite might be a little hard on the building, but he said shooting them just takes too long.

Chester was trying to improve his night vision. I told him that taking off his sunshades would help some, but he wanted to try just driving everywhere in reverse. Something to do with the negative tint on the back glass of his Chrysler. That seemed to be working, but this belligerent tree kept trying to run him down. Despite Chester's dodging, twisting, and turning, the tree finally got him. Chester's keychain landing light prevented the damage to the Chrysler from being worse by directing its brilliant beam into the eyes of the owl that was driving the tree, thereby slowing the tree down some. That McGuyver keychain comes in really handy sometimes.

Carol was letting Linda try a taste of beef stew before ordering, as Linda had a tooth pulled a couple of days ago, and chewing was really painful, and she thought she might have to order mush for dinner Friday night. Carol put a piece of meat in a bowl to see if Linda could chew it without too much pain and/or difficulty. Linda gave it a try, and pronounced that piece of meat a piece of carrot. Curtis laughed, Pat laughed, and I nearly showered everyone close by with coffee trying to keep from laughing. Carol said she had not realized she couldn't tell the difference between carrots and meat. Here's what I think happened.

Carol has been baking pies almost non-stop for days to make sure everybody's Mother has a happy Mother's day. I think an amalgam of fumes from strawberries, peaches, pecans, coconut, peanut butter, chocolate, cream, apples, apricot, lemon, key lime, banana split, buttermilk, and Oreo's has effected Carol's vision to the point she might, for a short time, mistake a piece of carrot for a piece of meat. I don't think we have anything to worry about, as she makes neither carrot pies or meat pies.

Gemini Man

Copyright 2011

geminiauthor.blogspot,com