TRUE

TRUE

#53




                                                                    R.I.P.



                                                            Henry A. Reid

                                                      November 14, 1920

                                                            May 26, 2012



                                                  "We spoke 'Newfoundland' "







Gemini Man

geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 53

TRUE

#53




                                                         R.I.P.



                                                   Henry A. Reid

                                               November 14, 1920

                                                    May 26, 2012



                                        "We spoke 'Newfoundland' "





Gemini Man

geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 52

5-26-12

TRUE ????                                                                            # 52                                                                             

My birthday just happened recently, (today) and I became a member of the motorcycle Gang/Club that Chester belongs to. I didn't know of it's existence until Linda gave me a B'day card with the club's members photo and name on, and it's "The Old As Hell Angels". This morning, as Linda and I were about to leave the cafe after breakfast, Hottie Carol and Darla came out of the kitchen singing "Happy Birthday" with a fresh-out-of-the-oven biscuit, neatly skewered on a long stem butane lighter, lit, lighted, alight, flaming, or whatever the correct terminology might be for the occasion. The biscuit was delicious, but regrettably only large enough for one. Normally I would have shared, but it WAS a very good biscuit.

Chester was trying to convince Sally to quit the Hell's Angels and come over to his club, but she said she wouldn't be old enough for that one for several years yet.

I accidentally overheard Curtis talking to someone on the phone, and in trying to decipher the language they were using, I distinctly heard "coom by ya", which simply means Curtis was reciting the "Hippiecratic Oath", which they must do every so often or lose their place on the VW bus going to the burning man festival. The "group" dropped the motorcycle requirement when Curtis fell off his "Hog" for about the millionth time, but refused to ride in a sidecar, or with "outrigger wheels".

Hottie Carol wants to make an attempt for a new world record "sky surfing" from one plane to another, and back again. She is almost certain she can make the transition from the first plane to the second with the second being only 1000 feet lower than the first, then maintain the same 1000 foot difference in elevation for the trip back. I tried to tell her I don't think 1000 foot is enough for the return trip, as she will have to get inside the second plane and wax her board before starting back to the first plane. I think the first plane should start to circle as soon as she exits, then come up on her from behind and match the plane speed with hers so her board can be brought into the plane gently, with very little chance of her splattering on the fuselage of that plane. Chester said he thinks she should use a rubber raft, so if she hits the plane hard, she will have some cushion. She's considering that.

Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 51

5-19-12 TRUE ???? # 51 Ashley couldn't change a light bulb from atop a table the other day, being afraid of heights as she is, so Hottie Carol, Darla, and Lacy decided it would be best if they all got together away from the cafe and worked on Ashley's fear of heights. Carol asked her what was the highest she had ever been, and she admitted she could not make it to the top of a ladder to get on the roof at her house. Carol doesn't think doing things in "increments" is helpful, so she decided the four of them should go "sky-diving", which, if it did not scare Ashley to death, would get her over her fear.

When told this, on the way to the airport at Burleson, Ashley said she was too afraid to get in an airplane. Carol had anticipated this, and being a fan of the old t.v. show "The A-Team", she was ready with a syringe full of the same kind of sedative the "team" always had to give B.A. to get him in a plane. All went as planned, and even though it slowed the girls down some, they managed to get the unconscious Ashley into a parachute harness, which is difficult at best.

When all was ready, the girls then began to decide how to proceed, and who would go first, did they push Ashley out or wait for her to jump on her own? They decided that Lacy would jump first, with the camcorder to record the event. They would all be standing at the door, with Carol and Darla supporting Ashley until she woke up. At that instant, Lacy would jump, with her back to the ground, Darla would jump, then Carol would grab the now conscious Ashley and jump out the door, dragging Ashley with her. Piece of cake.

 Carol would hold on to Ashley, giving her instructions on how to use a parachute on the way down. If she was screaming all the time, Carol had a silk bandanna borrowed from Burt's truck to stuff in her mouth and shut her up so she could pay attention to instructions.

 Ashley was as level headed as could be expected, and when she saw that red bandanna in Carol's hand, she said: "Carol, that is NOT big enough for a parachute."

 Unflustered, Carol put Ash's hand on the D-ring and said: "Sometime between now and you splattering on the ground, just pull this ring very hard, and it will open your chute. Take this red bandanna just in case the chute doesn't open." whereupon Carol turned loose of Ash, and pulled her own D-ring, which immediately slowed Carol down as Ash hurtled toward the ground.

 She didn't have to hurtle very far before realizing that this was as good a time to pull that ring as any, and almost ripped that D-ring from the pack, but it did have the desired effect and the drogue filled with air and pulled the main chute from the pack. When the initial shock hit her, for a terrifying moment she thought she had hit the ground, but when she opened her eyes, there was the ground. Way the hell down there. Looking to her right and left, she could see Darla and Carol and Lacy just floating down, light as feathers, so she relaxed. Piece of cake.

 For those of you who know the area, going West from the cafe on 1187, there is a horse training facility just before you get to I-35. Fortunately, since she was extremely relaxed, Ash landed in the stock tank on that facility, while Carol, Lacy, and Darla landed high and dry several yards away. They were able to get to Ash before she swallowed too much water, as Carol had neglected to give Ash instruction on how to GET OUT of a parachute harness, and they pulled her out without problems. Piece of cake.

 The next day, at the cafe, Chester wondered aloud why Ashley's leg brace was hanging on the hitch rail outside, soaking wet. Carol told him to ask Burt. I guess I'll have to write that story, someday. Should be a piece of cake.

 Gemini Man
 Geminiauthor.blogspot.com
copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 50

5-12-12

TRUE ???? # 50

Most of you probably know that Ashley sprained all her toes on her left foot, as well as the arch of the foot, the ankle, and the shin bone half way up to her knee. Freak accident. Curtis bet her that she could not ski from the peak to the bottom of Rabbit Ear Pass. She wasn't paying a great deal of attention at the time, but took the bet, not knowing that Curtis meant for her to ski down the mountain some time after next Christmas. Never one to forego a challenge, Ash hitchhiked to Colorado the other day taking her skis, poles, backpack, jerky, and Mountain Dew. Her ride let her out at the top of Rabbit Ear Pass, looking at Steamboat Springs at the bottom. Not one to be flim-flammed, she immediately realized that if she skied down to Steamboat Springs, then couldn't catch a ride, she would have to walk all the way back up. She then turned and presented her backside to Steamboat Springs, which had her pointed toward Rendon, then pushed off. She skied pavement, dirt, rocks, grass and something that looked a great deal like pine cones. She flawlessly executed Christy after Christy traversing between pavement and all that other stuff, and when the steepness of the terrain warranted, she shussed a bunch, exceeding 90 miles per hour on some of the well worn pavement. She passed several cars and trucks, and by the time she reached the bottom of Rabbit Ear, she had accumulated quite a convoy behind her, horns blaring, hands waving, and cheers echoing off the trees. She had managed to get up enough speed close to the bottom to slide out into the flats about three hundred yards. She brought her now smoking skis to a gliding halt, and bowed to the crowd that was gathering, kicking off her skis and waving to the crowd. At this point, Ashley saw this dipstick on a dirt-bike, chasing a wolf. As the wolf passed her and the dirt bike neared, she gathered her muscles and launched herself full force into the dirt bike rider, knocking him ass over teakettle while his bike continued for a few hundred yards and got back onto the highway, where an 18 wheeler made scrap iron out of it. Ash got her leg banged up a little, but tackling a 60mph motorcycle will do that.

Several people have asked me why the chalkboard is put up at an angle. I would have thought it would be obvious, especially to the regulars, but obviously a lot of folks don't know, so here's the straight scoop.

Anybody who comes to the Rendon Cafe very much, would agree that political discussion can get really heated, which is why one rarely hears political argument there. That's not to say that politics is not discussed, but very few argumants take place. Carol, as everyone knows, is not a big fan of the Prez. But of course if you listen awhile, you'll find very FEW folks that are fans of the Prez. Sometimes, when everybody finishes what they were saying at the same time, there may be a slight lull in which the O name is mentioned, then that person immediately shuts up, like he doesn't want anybody not at his table to hear what is being said. I believe, as does Carol, that the clientelle at Rendon Cafe is basically and largely from the right side of the aisle. To make sure that her cafe can not be branded a "vast right wing conspiracy", she decided that there should be something in there to reflect the "other side". What could be better or more fair than a blackboard with all the side dishes listed on it that "leans to the left". Fair because knowing as we do that the left looks at everything "slightly askew", the blackboard is slightly askew to make up for their left-leaning tendency, so what they are now seeing is the straight scoop.

Lacy and Ashley were discussing the glitter on Ashleys face. I commented that she might want to wear some Christmas lights. Ashley made no comment, but Lacy said she could put Christmas lights around her boo?s. They both swear that what they said was boots, but that's not what I heard.

Gemini Man
geminiauthor.blogspot.com
copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 49

4-20-12

TRUE ???? # 49

"Hottie" Carol found a snake in her truck the other day, and was looking for some way to kill it. Curtis told her that the snake was not poisonous, and since it was only about 4 feet long, it would be advantageous for her to keep it, as it would be a good pest control method. I agree with that totally, and went to have a look at her "pet" snake. I'm not afraid of snakes, and don't think anyone should be. For this reason, and because there is plenty of time, I have not as yet told "Hottie Carol" that if she feeds that snake all the rats, mice, rabbits, squirrels, and various other mammals it can eat, in just a few short years her ANACONDA will be about 16 feet long and able to eat her truck and various customers. I feel certain that Curtis did NOT know it is an Anaconda, as I'm sure he would never knowingly endanger Carol or any of her customers.

Somebody at the cafe really likes Lacy. After these people left, she went to bus their table and this red thing was sticking up leaning against the salt and pepper shakers, She called "Hottie" Carol over, and Carol laughed so hard I had to know what was going on. On the red place mat for the table, someone had writtin their name, number, and particulars with a smiley face. Since this gentleman may be new to the cafe and may have no idea what TRUE ??? is all about, maybe never having seen one, I'll forego the presses credo of "the people's right to know", and skip the details such as name, number, and other pertinent information until such time as the person in question has acquainted himself with TRUE ???? to the point he will know whether to step up or not.

We have not seen or heard from The Wild Bunch for some time, and some folks may not be aware that they have been incarcerated in the State Calaboose just up the road. That institution has the word "vita" in it's name. I am almost certain that word means "life", but I'm not clear as to whether that means the Wild Bunch is serving a "life" sentence, or their "life" is enhanced by being there, or what. I am assuming that whatever their transgression, Chester must not have been caught, because I see him occasionally, and one can only surmise that Sally is on some sort of "work release" program, as I see her sporadically. I'll let you know if I hear any rumors of "escape."

Sanora slipped a "ringer" into the coloring contest, and won, so I asked "the ringer" if she would mind coloring against me, as Carol won't believe I'm just a big for my age 8 year old. "The ringer", (whose name I promise to get in print) said she wouldn't be afraid to color against me if I was 150 years old and she had to color with one hand tied behind her. That's confidence.

Some of you may know that we have a new German Shepherd puppy. When we took him to the vet this morning for puppy shots, we went from there to the cafe to show him to Carol. Not being able to take a dog into the cafe and Carol being "so far behind another minute won't matter", she came out to the Bronco to see Black Magic. While smooching our puppy, she inadvertently leaned against my truck with her elbows. We left to take Magic home, then returned to the cafe for lunch. Carol said she had a bone to pick with me, and laid the last copy of TRUE ???? on our table. She then fiddled with her phone a bit, ( I am aware that some of you may not know that you can fiddle with these smart phones, but I understand the next generation you can play like a banjo.) and produced some pictures of her (Carol) elbows. You would have thought she'd been playing War Games in a t shirt. She had rubbed 4 months of grass growing dirt off my Bronco. When I said she had set me back 4 months in my sodding effort, she told Darla to give our check to somebody else. The 4 gentlemen sitting at the table next to us didn't catch it until they were almost ready to leave, at which point they politely declined our generous offer of them paying our check.

Now I guess I'll have to put that dirt back on the Bronco with a trowel.

Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 48

4-18-2012

TRUE ???? # 48

While I was having a Burt's Taco for breakfast, Ash poured me some coffee and asked if I wanted her to mow my lawn. You all know that I am such a workaholic I could never allow someone else to mow my grass, so I declined and asked her if she was needing some extra money and was mowing lawns for it. She said no, and she hadn't planned to accept money. She does some charity work, and it was time for her to do something for someone older than dirt, and I was the only one she knew that old. I told her that Curtis was probably that old, and maybe Chester, but she said she was pretty certain that I was way older than them, maybe even them put together. I politely refused her offer, but said I'd happily let her wash the Bronco. She politely declined and said maybe Lacy would wash my car. When I asked Lacy if she would wash the Bronco, she smiled brightly and said I must be an apple short of a fruit basket if I thought I could get her to wash my car. She then proceeded, at length, to tell me what all I must have wrong with me to ask such a question. Then Lacy made a very good suggestion. She said: "Why, with such a good start at being covered with dirt, it would be a shame to wash the Bronco. Why don't you just keep adding a little more dirt and filth every day, then get Curtis to sod the Bronco. Then as soon as the grass is long enough, let Ashley mow the grass on the Bronco."

As you all know, I ponder occasionally, so I'm going to ponder this for awhile.
The only problem I have with the idea, is that I have no idea where I can get some red grass.


Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com.

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 47

2-26-12

TRUE ???? # 47




I don't know whether Hottie Carol advertised or what, but recently an old guy contacted her trying to sell her a farm. He said the constant quack quack here, and moo moo there, and everywhere a oink oink quack moo was driving him insane and he wanted to sell out and get him a condo in town. Carol thought it over carefully, then decided she could incorporate some farm stuff into the cafe and not actually have to buy old MacDonalds farm, which would have necessitated a very long drive into town every morning to open up the cafe, and she finds it much easier to buy the milk than to milk all those cows, so she turned down old MacDonalds offer and set about combining the cafe with some farm stuff.

She promises that one farm thing that WILL NOT be incorporated into the cafe is the farm smells, which all of you former farm dwellers will agree, had some very pleasant smells, and some VERY UNPLEASANT smells, which we can do without at breakfast.

The transition is taking place as this is written, and so far there has been no necessity to scrape cow-flop or chicken s!!! off your shoes before you enter, or as you leave. Alas, because of health department regulations, we shall probably have to forego the quite pleasant smell of new mown hay as well.

When all is said and done, she plans to have a grand opening, which she will advertise somehow, so that all who wish may attend. Ya'll come if you can.


Gemini Man

Geminiauthor.blogspot.com

Copyright 2012

TRUE ???? # 46

1-16-2012


TRUE ???? # 46


I found out something the other day that I did not know, though some of you maybe have known it for forever, or nearly that long.
You all remember seeing on T.V. or the newspaper at various different times where someone with a backhoe has dug up a water main, so some people are without water until the water guys get it fixed. That's Curtis doing that.

His cover is "landscaping", while his real agenda is disrupting the water supply. I came into the cafe the other day, midday, and Curtis was sitting there with his feet up, relaxing. He was thoroughly wet, but it had rained THE DAY BEFORE, but not this day. When I asked him why he was there in the middle of the day, wet, with it NOT raining outside, the truth came out. (My interrogation methods are classified "Top Secret", and will not be revealed in this paper.)

Curtis had been at D-FW Airport (Covert Operation Welldigger) and some of his equipment malfunctioned. By the time he got the machinery shut down, the water supply for the airport, Denton County, Ellis County, and Hood County had been shut down completely. Curtis might have gotten away clean, but the force of the water coming out of the ground had deposited his pickup in Colleyville, a few miles West of D-FW Airport. He was picked up, soaking wet, still on airport property, trying to thumb a ride to Colleyville.

I asked him why he was still wet, since this episode had occurred a few hours before. Seems that Darla had dropped someone at the airport and was on her way to work, so she took him straight to the cafe. She told "Hottie" Carol that she was late because some idiot with a backhoe had dug up a water main on the airport and flooded everything on the airport, including the parking lot she was in. All flights into D-FW had been diverted to Austin, so that busses could get to Dallas from the West and South.

Curtis was dripping water everywhere, so Carol put two buckets on the floor and made him stand in them until he quit dripping. Then she handcuffed him to the table so he couldn't walk around and get the floor wet and slick for the other customers.

Chester finally asked him why he wasn't arrested trying to hitch a ride on the airport property. Curtis said he told them he was an illegal alien, and the airport cops made him get out of their car and said they were not even allowed to TALK to him.


Gemini Man
geminiauthor.blogspot.com

copyright 2012