TRUE ???? # 41

TRUE ???? # 41


Being well informed, as I'm sure you all are, ya'll probably already know this, but for those of you who for whatever reason do not know this, here's the scoop.

Quite some time ago, Carol had taken a vacation. I know that is hard to believe, as most of us have never known her to do anything but work, 24-7, 412 days a year. This particular year, she was flying (in an airplane) from somewhere to somewhere else, when the plane malfunctioned. A serious malfunction, as the pilot announced that there were enough parachutes for all 216 passengers and even all the crew, so the flight attendant (of course they were called stewardesses in those days) would be passing out the chutes, first class first, then business class, then economy, then destitute. Carol rarely flew, but when necessary, it was always first class.

Carol was amongst the first people to receive a parachute, along with a CD on how to operate it. She had sneaked her lap-top past the baggage check station, so did not have to wait in line for an Airline lap-top to become available. She zipped through the instructions, twice, but could not find any instruction on what to do if her chute did not open. Some wise-ass on her row said "pray", and she dismissed him with the one finger salute.

People began exiting the plane from both ends, and when she saw the pilot, co-pilot, navigator, and stewardess exit one right after the other, she decided she would rather stay with the plane until it got low enough she didn't have to depend on a maybe malfuntioning parachute opening for her to reach the water safely, so she would just jump out the door (sans parachute) when the plane got close enough to the water. When that time arrived, unfortunately, the plane was still doing about 200 miles an hour, and Carol had no desire to go skipping across the water about 180 miles an hour faster than she'd ever done on water skis, so she gritted her teeth and braced for impact.

The plane started disintegrating as soon as it touched the water, but Carol resolutely held on and was not thrown into the water. When the plane stopped, she was up to her hips in the water, both feet still firmly planted on the plane, and she decided to just step off when the water reached her chest. She was swimming about 5 seconds later, the plane was nowhere to be seen, and by swivelling around she could see land just a couple of hundred yards away, so she started swimming for it.
Carol being an excellent swimmer, and ocean currents being what they are, she reached the shore in just under 2 hours.

She lay for awhile on a sandy beach to catch her breath and get her bearings. When she stood up, she could see readily that this island would be more properly called an atoll. A very, very tiny atoll. No hotels. No boat docks. no trees. No nothing, in fact, which made it imperative that she be rescued soon. She dug out her cell phone, but there was no signal. She remembered that she and Pat used to play this game to see what they would do in case one of them ever got stranded on a desert atoll.

They had figured out that if one was stranded as she now was, she could simultaneously press the H, the E, the L, the P, it would send a GPS signal to the others phone, while at the same time sending her coordinates to the others (Pats) phone. She did this with complete confidence that it would work. She spent the rest of the day sunning various parts of herself.

Early next morning, Carol began to hear a droning sound. Scanning the skies in every direction, she finally saw a speck that materialized into a sea plane. It circled her position once then came into the wind and landed about 200 yards offshore. Without shutting down the motors, the pilot stepped out onto a pontoon, reared back, and threw something just as hard as he could toward the shore. It seemed to be heavy enough that it was only in the air for maybe 30 yards, then splashed down. Carol remembered the currents, and instantly began swimming toward the plane, which by this time was climbing lazily into the air. Carol filled the air with expletives, and strangling, realized she had to shut her mouth or else drown.

After a very brisk swim, she got back to the sand carrying what looked to be a magnum sized bottle of wine. While working the wire off the bottle, she was wondering why the hell Pat sent her a bottle of wine, and why didn't the pilot pick her up.

The cork blasted out of the bottle with a loud pop, and a Geni popped out of the bottle.
"You will be granted only three wishes, so decide carefully." said the Geni
"For my first wish," said Carol, "I want a motorboat, gasoline, and a map".

There was a lightning flash, a clap of thunder, and a boat was sitting at waters edge. Looking into the boat, Carol saw gasoline and a map. As she turned, the Geni disappeared back into the bottle saying "Your 3 wishes have been fulfilled. Good luck." and the bottle and the Geni disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Muttering "Why you SOB." she really got wound up when she looked into the boat again, and there was 1 gallon of gasoline, and a roadmap of Texas.

In typical Carol resolve, she put the gallon of gas in the tank, started up the boat, and headed north, hoping she'd come across some shipping before the gas ran out. As luck would have it, the very next day she spotted land dead ahead. She could see at a distance that it was a much larger piece of land than the atoll. She was pleasanly surprised when she bagan seeing signs that read "Galveston". She was close to one end of Galveston Island, so she gassed up the boat and motored around the end of the island, then pointed the nose toward Rendon. Of course, she got to Galveston proper a long time before she sold the boat and started hitching inland.

She had strangling Pat in mind when she walked into the cafe. As luck would have it, the cafe was closed and the owner was there. Carol knew him, and strangling Pat could wait, so she began to negotiate to buy the cafe with her boat money. They struck a deal, and Carol was so pleased to now own her own business she forgave Pat for the Geni episode.

She did, however, want to know what went on and why, so over coffee and cigars Carol asked Pat for an explanation. This is how it was told to me:

Pat: We heard on the news that the plane had gone down. I knew there was no way you were going to jump out of an airplane, so you'd be on it when it hit the water. The news said the plane went down about 4 miles from Galveston Island, near Cutthroat Spit. Dad had that Geni from when they were picking up tar balls down on the coast. I knew you'd be smart enough to ask for something that would get you off that sandbar, if that's where you were. I knew you'd be strong enough to get to Galveston, then on home by whatever means. While you were gone, Chester had a fight with his heart, and after a battle, Chester won. Guess it's a good thing Chester don't fight with a gun. Bob Cole also had a fight with his heart, and he also won. Of course Bob uses a gun, but he was out of ammo from fighting all those bees.

Carol: I can understand all that, but I do not understand why you sent a Geni instead of having the pilot pick me up.

Pat: You are in the peak of health, suntanned (probably all over) you've lost 20 pounds, your hair has sun streaks in it, and you really, really, really needed a vacation.

And that folks, is how Carol spent her summer vacation.




Gemini Man
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