The Beasley Report has been re-classified from SECRET down to CONFIDENTIAL, due to the capture and subsequent torture of Codename Mrs.Beasley. Beasley has been re-assigned to less physical duties until further notice. The following is the re-classified text of your last message:
The members of the faction Head Shed are planning a coup against the CAFE, with complete takeover planned to take place before Christmas. The coup itself is to take place before the Christmas holidays so as not to interfere with families good cheer. The recent meetings of the Wild Bunch have alarmed Sharon/Michelle/Alice, and the Head Shed members have decided a preemptive strike is their best hope for a satisfactory final conclusion of this hostile takeover.
Armament and/or defenses for either side are not clear at this point. Further communications will be released as they become available.
End Beasley Report
About a hundred years ago, a lady named Barbara introduced Carol and James. I don't know which of them she knew first, but anyway she got them together. Of course Carol is going to say "Wait a minute. I'm not anywhere near 100 years old, and Barbara would probably agree. Don't know about James, though. Anyway, Barbara and Tracy/Tracie/Traci/Tracey/ came into the cafe to say howdy, but they said "Hello. Glad to meet you" instead. That's o.k.. Any friend of James and Carol are friends of mine and Lindas.
Tracy/Tracie/Traci/Tracey wondered aloud if the scarecrow in the back room was perhaps a drunk taking a siesta. We did not want to tell her that Carol had beat that dummy senseless and forced it into the back room so it would stop scaring customers. Curtis even did a double take and asked if the dummy was full of straw. I said: "Nah. It's full of grasshoppers." Curtis had been contemplating chewing tobacco, while actually chewing tobacco, and discovered he could not contemplate chewing tobacco and a dummy full of grasshoppers at the same time. I believe Curtis has sworn off chewing tobacco.
Carol said Good Morning to everyone the other morning, and got no response. She muttered something about "chopped liver" and Linda told Carol "I don't think anyone heard you say good morning." Carol, remembering that the majority of us are deaf as a post, put some volume into her next good morning, and if Sheridan or Sharon want to bet on a sure thing they could probably bet that Carol was heard all the way to the Head Shed.
Jose was sporting a beat up, scratched up, skinned up, bruised up leg. He didn't say what happened, but here's what I figger. Jose spends all his time playing with horses or at the cafe. Since he's never at the cafe long enough for a lengthy conversation, I'm guessing that one of them horse critters bit him, or threw him off, or fell on him, or just laid down on him for the hell of it. A horse laying on your leg can produce those skinned up places, especially if, after laying there for awhile, he decides to get up, as horses are wont to do. This cowboy has some experience along those lines, so here's my recommendation if that's what beat up Jose's leg. Adjust your stirrup leathers out so they are long enough for you to put your feet in the stirrups and do the splits. That way, if the horse starts down, you can do the splits and your feet won't be under any part of him. If you are not as agile as you once were and can't do the splits anymore, another way would be to sit in the saddle, pull your feet up and tuck them in behind the cantle so you won't have no legs hanging down for the horse to lay on. I will admit that is a VERY uncomfortable way to sit in a saddle, and NOT one I would recommend. The last thing possible is also the VERY LAST thing to try, and ONLY THEN in the dead of night, no light coming from anywhere, not even the moon. Then before mounting, yell four or five times at the top of your voice to see if anyone is within hearing. If it's all clear at this point, try riding side saddle.
I asked Carol the other day when I had pancakes and bacon, why, instead of my bacon being flat as a board and crisp as a potato chip, it was all curled up like it was hiding. She said I got the Tail end of the bacon. The Wild Bunch made me sit in the corner this morning, so I'm beginning to wonder if I'm being told something, in a not so subtle way.
R.I.P.
Warlock's Sirius Warrior
Sept. 26-1997 to Oct. 4-2010
To keep up with this NL and Head Shed NL:
http://www.geminiauthor.blogspot.com
Gemini Man
copyright 2010
You are so darn tootin' talented.
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