TRUE???? # 5

     Fay dropped in to Linda’s surprise b’day  party. You all know Fay. She had the café that was a front for the NSA (no such agency) Most of you don’t know that Fay was an NSA operative, and being a restaurateur was just a sideline. I thought she had retired, but she had some good stuff on her spy pen, not the least of which was that Jim had removed his shirt back in the game room, and an un named lady had followed that with her shirt. We may have to get Rick to install a video camera back there so the rest of the patrons can be entertained.

      Fay said the last time she saw me, I still had black hair, so I’m guessing it was at least 6 months ago, as I didn’t sprout grey hair until I was nearly 70. I can hear the cat-calls from here, so maybe it was a little longer than 6 months.

     I haven’t seen Tammy for several days, and somebody said she was sick. This reporter has learned that Tammy packed her kit for a short trip, and included in her kit was her snipers mat. That means that her time for just a few days (trip might even be over by now) will be spent lying prone on that mat with her eye behind a telescopic sight. I hope she hasn’t been out of the life long enough to have forgotten NOT to get her eye too close to that scope, lest the recoil bite her in the eye.

     Wednesday night Donna and I went hunting. She flew out of the kitchen and asked me if I knew anything about wasps. I told her I was allergic to their sting, but I damn sure wasn’t afraid of them. I drug out the big-bores from the truck and handed her one. She said she would carry my extra gun and load for me, but she didn’t think she would actually be able to shoot one. Hunting is not for everyone, so I told her I’d shoot it and have it mounted for her. Once I was in the kitchen and had the prey in sight, as luck would have it I could not get a shot lined up without endangering Linda in the main room. I went and picked up a handful of menus, and the wasp landed and picked up a spoon to defend itself. Normally I would have just shooed it outside but then I saw it was sharpening its stinger with the butcher’s steel, and as it threw the spoon at me, in ducking I lost my footing and went down. The wasp dived at me, and quick as a flash Donna swung a menu and knocked it out of the air. She then pounced and I heard her screaming “ you sorry, no good @#&(*%, get the  ^&#@&* out of my kitchen before I lose my temper. I’m pretty sure at that point her temper was lost already. She pounded that wasp until the kitchen was beginning to show signs there had been a football game.

     Donna heroically saved my life; I am allergic after all, but it cost her. The Taxidermist said that a mount would not be possible. A book pressing, perhaps, but definitely not a head or shoulder mount.


Gemini Man
Copyright 2010