TRUE ???? 8

I was told by a reliable source (gambler and sometime salsa maker) that Sharon (Jims wife) had broken her foot, and was contemplating having her feet replaced with titanium feet. Her doctor had told her that the titanium feet were much harder to break, and her kicking velocity would be greatly increased due to the light weight of the titanium. When asked what Sharon was kicking, (SOURCE) said: “Jim, I believe.”
Coincidentally, Jim was seen in a sporting goods store buying goalie hockey pads.

Yesterday, Linda and I were attacked at the front door of the café by killer grasshoppers. Killer grasshoppers might be a harsh description, but they were really p.o.’d about something. We barely got inside with our lives. Then I remembered that the day before, Curtis had mentioned that he was grasshopper hunting with his tractor. He had rigged up some nets on his tractor, intending to “herd” the hoppers into the nets to sell them for fish bait. Old timers who routinely fish with grasshoppers learned long ago that  grasshoppers must be caught one at a time, because herding them together can make them extremely vicious. Kansas and Oklahoma were nearly wiped out by big herds of grasshoppers in the 1800’s, just because someone had accidentally gotten 15 grasshoppers together, then accidentally stepped on one of them. They have long memories as well as a violent nature, so I’d suggest that Curtis paint his tractor a different color, and always wear camouflage clothes the same color as the tractor. The hoppers are not mad at the tractor. It’s Curtis they want to pay back.

Tammy was sleepwalking this morning. At least that what she said. My coffee cup was empty for 1 hour and 14 minutes, and laying on it’s side when she finally noticed it. When I mentioned it to her, she said: ‘I DON’T CARE”.

Carol asked me if I was strong, and I actually thought I was, so I went into the kitchen to remove the lid from some new oil containers. That’s not like in BP oil leaking into the gulf, but cooking oil. The harsh reality was that I could not break those lids loose, so Carol was forced to try another customer. I apologize for not knowing the name of this individual, but we owe him a debt of gratitude for jumping in and getting those lids loose, thereby unleashing a veritable torrent of new cooking oil for frying our food. If this individual will come forward and admit to me who he is, I will immortalize him in these pages by making up something about him, bearing in mind that he DID kinda show me up as a wuss who can’t open a bottle while he, on the other hand, received accolades for helping us all to eat fried food.




Gemini Man
Copyright 2010